KARL - Faith Shelter

August 30th, 2010

I like to build things. But I have this weird obsession to use as much reclaimed material as possible. I loathe going to the store and just buying something new or shiny. I wish I had some deep environmental ethic, but I confess my true motivation is I love the forced creativity, only using what is on hand. I have this image that is what God intended when we build faith communities.

I have never been lost in the woods, or stranded on a tropical island, or survived an arctic plane crash. But if I did, I like to think I am the sort of person who could build a shelter, something to survive in. I would not be interested in fancy, lifetime structures, just something to keep me safe and warm. I think that is what God was thinking when He talked about church. I think He thought we would use the resources we find at hand, small broken pieces of people to build a temporary and safe place.

Sadly, faith communities seem intent on building cathedrals. Super structures that inspire awe and require lots of imported materials–a great preacher (or as great as the budget allows) from the north, young and talented musicians from the east and a comfortable, suburban or cool and hip urban location.

A shelter in the woods is completely different from one in the jungle or arctic. The materials and needs are unique only to each environment. Yet churches seem to be sadly almost identical. The same awesome worship, inspired preaching and comfortable “seeker friendly” auditoriums are found in Alabama and Oregon.

What if we limited ourselves to the resources that God has placed at hand? Something unique will always emerge. The gospel has a unique and irritating characteristic: it seems more attractive to the socially awkward, the economically deprived and the meek. That is why if want to build something cool, we have to import that resource, because cool, together, even emotionally healthy is a scarce resource in the kingdom of God.

I love the unique “building” God is making at The Refuge. I love that forced creativity that happens when we find in our own friends everything we need to find community. It is not fancy, but it is fully functional and will keep you safe.

Posted in community, creativity, karl, the refuge | 5 Comments »

CHRISTA - “Ordinary Time”

August 23rd, 2010

ordinarytimeI really like this part of the church calendar…this “ordinary” time.

It’s intriguing to me. A big blank canvas, stage, room, page, to fill with…

Turn with me to a different thought for a moment.

“Ordinary Time” always makes me think of the morality play Everyman. Which in turn makes me think of the song by Over the Rhine, Everyman’s Daughter.

Morality plays were the sort of thing one was writing if one was an aspiring playwright in 15th century England. You were sure to have your play performed if you were telling people about good vs. bad, right vs. wrong, how to get to heaven and avoid hell, that sort of thing.

Everyman is a famous play with an unknown author. Basically, Everyman is one character who represent all of humanity in his quest for Christian Salvation. He meets many allegorical characters in his journey-
Fellowship
Kindred
Cousin
Goods (material)
Good Deeds
Knowledge
Confession
Beauty
Strength
Discretion
Five Wits

Everyman figures out at that most of these characters will leave him as he ages or dies and the only thing that can live on after him are his “Good Deeds”.

Now, I’m not saying I subscribe to all the theology that created Everyman but, for some reason, this particular morality play has always intrigued me. I really like the idea of one figure representing humanity and walking around on stage, trying to figure things out.

That’s why the song, Everyman’s Daughter, caught my eyes and ears.

Here are some lyrics-

“Look inside for the elusive goldmine.

Broken glass and a little cheap wine

is all that I can find.

And bundles of contradictions,

my heart full of loose connections,

hands across my eyes.

I cannot disguise I’m everyman’s daughter.

It’s always the same old question.

Who am I and whose invention?

This armour’s full of dust.

There’s so much of us in each other.

I am. I am. I am.

everyman’s daughter”

This song too, is about trying to figure life out.

I think I can simplify by saying these 2 pieces are about a man and a woman making it through their ordinary times. The moments that don’t seem like anything special. The days that are hot, long and hard. The nights that offer no grace and no sleep. And just the repetitiousness of living…day after day after day…

And now hopefully we can return to the intrigue that got me here…the “ordinary time” of our church calendar…

It is a big blank canvas, stage, room, page, to fill with…ourselves…simple (though like all simple things it can be ridiculously difficult)

I hope through the next few ordinary days of your life that you can see that we are all on this journey together (though one man or woman may be chosen to represent us or sing our songs). Many of us are asking the same questions.  But, may we chose to believe that we are enough to fill these days.

May you say with vigor and conviction, “I am enough to fill these ordinary days.”

Posted in christa, church calendar, journey | 2 Comments »

STACY - The sound of progress

August 9th, 2010


A couple of weeks ago in July, I was a counselor at a bereavement camp for kids up in the mountains of Colorado.  Even though it was my second year, it still totally took my breath away to drive up to the scenic view, complete with rustic wooden cabins nestled in the midst. The beauty, for me, however, isn’t just in the picturesque scene, but also in the super hard work and deep relationships that take place at Camp Comfort, intended for emotional support.

Literally in the middle of the 1st night, there was a minor emergency that I needed to immediately resolve without disturbing the peace.  The hardest part, actually, was that I needed to quietly navigate through a cabin in the dark, without waking up 25 really-insanely-hard-to-get-to-sleep 3-6 year old girls and their exhausted counselors.  My flashlight was also playing a winning game of hide and seek, so I was acutely aware of each and every sound my body made as I navigated through the dark maze.

As I was coming down the old, creaky, wooden stairs, back to our room, it made me think how my intense need to keep as quiet as possible was not much unlike an emotional healing process. Sometimes in pitch black, potentially full of splinters, not so comfortable, and, well, audible when least expected. However, still ultimately headed somewhere brighter.


Here are some sounds of progress that I have heard over the last two weeks:
“I was… wrong & I am very sorry.”
“It hurts, and I need help”
“I really miss my mommy”
“I thought I was all alone”

Words of repentance, words admitting a need for interdependence, and words that show the true beauty of raw honesty are all part of a collective chorus towards freedom.  In my experience, healing & recovery is rarely quiet, or without squeaks & creaks along the way. However, I am trying to remember, that for myself as well as for my friends, that there is so much power in the journey, not just the ethereal destination. My hope is that we listen well to and for the sounds of healing in each other; in ourselves.

What do you hear when you think of the “sound of progress” in your life?

Posted in healing, recovery, stacy | 4 Comments »

oasis, human trafficking & safe community

August 2nd, 2010

a month or so ago we had a fun venue@thegrange concert at the refuge to benefit oasis USA, our friends who are dedicated to fighting human trafficking.  you can read more about the event over at kathy’s blog but we wanted to share with everyone the video that our dear-friend-and-forever-refugee kevin potter made for us for the evening.  it highlights not only the issue of trafficking but how the work we are doing living out the values of our community matter.  enjoy!

Posted in justice, kathy, kevin, the refuge | No Comments »

KATIE - Journey of a Tea Leaf (aka: story of my life)

July 26th, 2010

The picture here shows a bundle of “flowering” tea leaves. Tea is a term we use loosely to refer to any aromatic beverage made by steeping dried botanicals, but the long journey of real tea starts as the seed from a tropical evergreen called the Chinese Camilla. First, it is planted in a hot climate, at high elevation, in acidic soil. For a time, it’s given plenty of nutrients and rain. As it matures, it’s not allowed to grow into a tree, instead it’s cultivated and pruned so that it stays a manageable height. Then, just the top couple inches of leaves are plucked, and processed in a variety of ways that may include withering, drying, heating, crushing, bruising, breaking and oxidizing. Later, the leaves may be scented with Jasmine, flavored with fruit infusions, or blended to achieve particular characteristics. Then, it may be left loose or bound, bagged, boxed, and stored where it may be a long time before they get used. Finally, scalding hot water is poured over it and left to sit a while, leaving the tea to ponder all that it used to be and wonder, how exactly did I get here?

My journey has also been an interesting one. I was born in Hollywood, CA when my mom was young and unmarried. She claims she knew right away that I was going to be one of the most wonderful people on the planet. At the time, my biological father was not ready for all that, so my mom and I lived with my grandmother.

Before I can remember, my mom moved out to get a job in LA and my grandmother and I moved to Ventura (couple hours north.) I was sent to a Catholic school because my grandmother was raised Catholic, though she seemed more committed to my getting a good education, than to the faith itself. My mom got married when I was 7 and had my sister Lillee right away. Since they were both working and juggling childcare, I stayed with my grandmother, visited the parents on some weekends, and all 4 of my moms sisters helped with raising me. In many ways, I flourished.

When I was 11, my world changed. Though they said the choice was mine, I was essentially plucked out of the world I knew and taken to a very hot, dry place. You see, my parents were given the opportunity to move with their company to Phoenix, AZ and wanted me to come with them. I was excited for a new adventure and the thought of having a traditional, nuclear family appealed to me, but life was very different. I suddenly had new house rules, a very strict father figure who is only 13 years older than me, and soon there were 3 little sisters to take responsibility for. Not only that, I was attending public school and we didn’t even go to church! Though I was free from many of the religious rigors I had felt weighed down by in Catholic school, I often felt crushed under the pressure to be the perfect child.

By the time I went to college, I had a nagging feeling that I was missing something spiritually. I got involved in Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship and met some great people that helped me investigate faith, but it took me a while to commit to it. I had a lot of doubts and questions. I also had this cute boyfriend who very wonderful and very agnostic, and he challenged and questioned my every step of faith. Eventually, my heart was changed by seeing God work miraculously in and through people who loved the poor and loved their enemies and trusted in things unseen. This led me to feel convicted not to marry someone who was not on the same page spiritually, so I dumped my boyfriend after 4.5 years. That left both our hearts feeling rather bruised and broken. Despite the emotional drama, I managed to graduate with honors in Environmental Engineering from Northern Arizona University. Later, he came to faith on his own terms and we’ve now been married for almost 11 years!

Early in our marriage, we followed his job out to Boston and joined a Vineyard church. I worked as an engineer for a while, but it was not a good fit for me so I left to work with a computer-training ministry to the underprivileged. Our faith and relationships were growing and fruitful.

After about 4 years, we moved to Chicago to live with my husband’s parents and save money. I must admit I have been blessed with fantastic in-laws and we loved the time that we spent with them. I worked as an accounting assisting with Northwestern University, which I could bike to from their house. We tried the mega-church thing for a while there and grew in our understanding of service and using our gifts for God.

After 2 years there, we followed my husband’s job out to Colorado and bought our first home. We now have two adorable girls and I get to stay home with them. We are also an integral part of this church community called The Refuge. We go to a multi-generational small group, plus I host a mom’s small group. I’m also part of a MOPS group where I’m on the steering team and participate in a Bible Study.

You’d think that with all this spiritual nourishment, I’d be growing and fruitful, but though these things address my needs for social involvement and personal validation, in all honesty I’m feeling really spiritually withered and I sometimes wonder, “how exactly did I get here?”

  • I used to spend hours doing inductive Bible studies, using a concordance and color-coding themes, now I’m lucky to complete a single chapter from a Bible study guide once a month
  • I used to have long, theological discussions with friends, now I occasionally read Bible stories to the kids
  • I used to practice intercessory prayer, now I rarely have the opportunity to pray out loud, and when I do, I often choose not to
  • I used to go on missions trips and feed the hungry, now I might make a dinner for a friend who just had a baby
  • I used to pray with my husband before we went to sleep, now we’re so exhausted we often don’t to anything before sleep
  • I used to keep a prayer journal, recording what God was doing in my life, now I have journals, scrapbooks, a blog and a facebook account, and none of them are up to date
  • In addition to all this spiritual dryness, I perpetually feel like I’m not a good enough mom, or wife, or friend, and I have no idea how I’ll ever have a career again

When I look at the flowering tea pictured here, I think about all that it has been through, and how it finally comes into its true purpose. It has turned plain water into an aromatic and delicious liquid with cardiovascular and antioxidant health benefits. I am reminded that it is my whole journey, not just my successes or failures, which make me who I am. I know that I am a treasured child of the most high God, and he has plans to use my life, my history, and my challenges to flavor and bless the world around me. I just need to allow myself to be used by him, to open myself up to trials and risks that may seems scalding at the time, but will cause me to bloom in ways I never expected. In this season of my life, I may feel as though my spiritual life has been shelved and I’m not living up to my potential; but I suspect that I’m not the only mother of young children that feels this way. And maybe the best way I can bless the world around me in this season is to let other people know that they’re not alone either.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 (New International Version)
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in us (our body).

To watch a demonstration of flowering tea, check out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnH3EAES8_8&feature=related

Posted in identity, katie, spiritual formation | 7 Comments »

MIKE - where is my treasure?

July 19th, 2010

for years, my wife debbie and i had dreamed–and actually taken some steps toward planning–our perfect retirement. five acres of land in black forest, near colorado springs. we had finally settled on the modular log home we wanted. we were hoping on making the move within the year. and then there was the custom van, so we could travel the US, no motor home for us. we planned on sleeping in motels most nights and hopefully take a cruise every few years.

mission trips, living in the same old house, or helping people in need never crossed my mind for more than a moment (and that was when the preacher brought it up on sunday morning). those thoughts were quickly replaced with plans for my new found life after working all those years. as best as i can remember, i never even considered what Gods plans might entail.

as they say: “the best laid plans of mice and men…” in the mist of my planning, deb died. although i tried to keep the dream alive, the passion waned. as time went on it died completely and i could not revive it. i could speculate on what i believe was God’s message to me in the events following her death and the death of my dream, but that will have to wait for another blog.

galatians 6:2 admonishes us to bear one anothers burdens while galatians 6:5 say we must carry our own load. until recently, i never made a connection between these verses and the plan for the rest of my life. a little further down in galatians, paul says:

“do not be misled. no one makes a fool of God. what a person plants, he will harvest. the person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. all he’ll have to show for his life is weeds. but the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life. eternal life. so let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. at the right time we will harvest a good crop if we we don’t give up, or quit. right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.”

years ago i attended a christian financial seminar. the speaker said he could know what was important to a person by looking at the entries in their checkbook. in luke 6:24 dr luke states: “it’s obvious, isn’t it? the place where your treasure is, is the place you most want to be, and end up being.” kinda makes sense, doesn’t it? in my younger days, no matter how broke i was, i managed to buy cigarettes, porn and beer. over the years, those spending habits have been replaced by starbucks, movies and a red, midlife crisis, firebird trans am. and no matter how busy i might have been, i always used to manage to play golf, watch tv, go to strip bars and party with my friends. though the venues have changed, i still manage to make time for the things that are most important to me.

maybe it was debbies’ death. maybe it’s old age. or maybe becoming involved in redemptive community. but over the years there has been a paradigm shift. God’s plan for my life has become a bit more important than my plan for His life. the irony is that i experience more joy in my life now. not necessarily more happiness, but certainly more joy. that “fruit of the spirit” joy that is intertwined, in some strange way, with sorrow and pain.

this past friday a few of us gathered at the grange hall for refuge movie night. we watched the movie “up”– a cute kids movie with plenty of implications and applications for adults. mr.fredrickson and his wife had a dream, but the events of life always (as they do for most of us) got in the way. after she died, he decided to pursue it, by himself. as the movie progresses his goal is derailed by a young boy named russell, who is in need of a real father, and an assortment of weird animals. eventually, mr fredrickson has to decide if he will continue to live for himself or help someone who really needs him. the movie shows, quite vividly, how his dream and his accumulation of “stuff” has weighed him down. as the revelation hits him, he pushes all the material stuff out of his house and his life and help a little boy who needs a daddy. the movie ends with russell and mr fredrickson sitting on a curb, eating ice cream and playing a game russell had played with his dad, before his dad had left his life.

don’t get me wrong, this is not an easy journey. there are many more lessons to learn, along the way. but i find it’s a little easier to lessen the death grip i have on my money and become less preoccupied and self absorbed with my precious time.

was my dream retirement wrong? how ’bout the midlife crisis car? or the starbucks.? the movies? or the……….? i don’t know the answer, but there is something appealing about sitting on the curb eating ice cream with a friend.

Posted in mike, mission, relationships | 3 Comments »

TAMI - So???

July 5th, 2010

So….I’m sitting here on an average day–no shocking headlines or famous dead guys to quote today. I do, however, have a few ponderings rolling around in my head….I’ve prepared for you a special something straight from my heart of Tami-ness (smirk). And just to make it more special (ahem), I write to you from a psychiatric ward in CO, as a patient. Yes, from a hospital. Yes, I’m broken.

Some may wonder why in the world I’m writing here: What authority do I have?

What special insight or knowledge do I have? I, of all people, should have
less margin to say much of anything about faith, life or spirituality since I’m obviously poor in all aforementioned areas, correct? I’m too sick to speak!

Well, so???

I have plenty to say, and I’ll let you decide if it’s worth reading–I’m on a journey, and whew, is it a handful. I can attest to ONE SURE THING as a result of my travels thus far:

We need each other!

This crazy, sweet thing I call “my healing community” is not an optional
accessory for the trip. I stand and give the screechy battle cry: “brother, sister–I NEED you! You NEED me! let’s both admit we’re busted at least a little and get together on it!”

Healing community is not for the faint-hearted (Bible-ese for “sissies”). Can we not all hang out with each other, us who are hurt, tattered, tired, and just “do life” together? Jesus does it with us every day….And nobody can claim to be anything other than imperfect. Whiners, cheaters, abusers, the dirty, impoverished…?

If the Church is a hospital (and it is), and we are broken (and we are), then each of us is a PERFECTLY well-suited match for Jesus! Welcome to the fam! Come in. Speak. We want to hear about what he’s doing in your broken corner of the world…

So???

Posted in body of Christ, community, healing, tami | 8 Comments »

KARL - Resentment

June 28th, 2010

The interesting thing about recovery is the constant awareness of new character defects. Drinking, sex, relationships, drugs are but mere symptoms of the inner drive to be the master of our universe.

I heard a remarkable quote the other day, “expectations are premeditated resentments.” Ain’t it great! Your character defects may be different than mine, but I can attest to the truth of that statement.

Of course I understand that not all expectations have a negative consequence. Kind of like I understand not all soccer games are boring. But all my experiences with soccer are equivalent to heavy sedation.

For me, it always works this way: if I expect in an unhealthy way
eventually I end up pissed off and trying to control someone.

The crazy part is that when this happens I am always surprised.
Like the worst case of amnesia ever, I actually believe it will
work.

Here is a partial list:

  • People I love will not irritate me (I have a very low
    threshold of irritation)
  • My children will always make me proud
  • My wife will always accurately decipher my mood and act
    accordingly
  • God will do for me what He did for my friend in the same
    situation
  • Churches will always be generous and safe
  • If I help someone, they will express gratitude
  • Good cars don’t break down
  • Money invested always goes up
  • The hamburger I ordered will look like the picture
  • I should never get the middle seat
  • If I am in the middle seat, I will get both armrests

Yes, that is right, it could be an almost infinite list and with
each example I have a story of corresponding resentment.

But what is so wrong with a little resentment? Is it not the perfect
way to let the world know it is not meeting the high standards of
Karl? Kind and truthful words will never accomplish the sense
of power that comes with pouting, smoldering, and withdrawing.

Here is my little nugget of understanding: I have never been
resentful without also being lonely.

What about you, how does it work out in you life? Do you know
the indignation of a failed expectation and the exile to the island
of alone?

Posted in karl, recovery, relationships | 3 Comments »

KATHY - camping is the best form of church!

June 21st, 2010

group at camp 2010

this past weekend was the refuge’s 5th annual camping trip.   for all kinds of reasons, it is one of my favorites.  i think that camping is the highest form of church.

it draws us together as a community in a unique way that our regular gathering can’t always do.

it’s natural & unplugged. just a lot of friends hanging out together, with plenty of time on our hands to just hang out, eat, laugh, talk, nap, be together with no hurry to get home or to the next place.

we share easily. coffee passed around, marshmallows and graham crackers busted out. wood tossed into the pile.  tents and sleeping bags spread around to those who need them.

kids & grownups all mixed up together. everyone’s looking out for each other’s kids.  the kids form new bonds (capturing frogs definitely bonded a big chunk of them together this year, ha ha).  we get to share the load of love and support together.

baptisms, yeah! to me, there’s nothing better than seeing friends take the step that says “i am choosing to follow Jesus and i want you to be part of it with me.”  it’s a reminder to me that God is at work, stirring hearts and moving us in our faith.

there’s no agenda except for being together. that’s one of my favorite parts.  there’s no program, no huge plan, nothing contrived.  just friends together, learning the ways of love.

what’s your favorite part?

Posted in body of Christ, community, kathy | 6 Comments »

STACY - Identifying with Humpty Dumpty

June 14th, 2010

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All of the King’s horses and all of the King’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

In our Summer House of Refuge, we are re-visiting the Twelve Steps together, and we are in the process of working through them individually and collectively. Hang around us refugees long enough, and you will most likely hear various stories about how influential the practice of doing the work of the steps has been.

* * * * *

When I was in graduate school, one of my core classes was called Addictive Disorders. As a course requirement, we were to attend a 12 step meeting, and write about our experience. My friend Laura and I faithfully went to our AA meeting (which met in the same strip mall as a bar ? How hard would that be?!). While it was never overtly stated, you better believe that we wanted to make sure to the rest of the group knew we were just visitors. Addiction? Noooo. Trouble? Bah. Ignorance about what it means to live out the hard truth of Step One? Um, for sure.

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.

We defined in our Summer House of Refuge that “addictions” could also be deemed as unhealthy coping mechanisms. That language actually helps me connect deeper with this whole 12 step process, in a more personal way. While the struggle with alcohol and drugs are not a part of my story, I definitely have my fair share of unhealthy coping mechanisms to add to the table. Since unrealistic personal standards, as well as unhealthy perfectionism are a part of my battle, it is really important for me to see how that relates to my role in community.

The nursery rhyme that tells the brief story of Humpty Dumpty makes me think in a lot of ways, about Step One. Minutes prior to the critical fall, Humpty appeared to have some things going for him. At the top of a high place, happily minding his own business, and, well…. whole. Not much control in the process at this point, and like us, not too happy when things become unraveled. My guess would be that the descent for Humpty was super traumatic, especially since all of his community couldn’t do the work to piece him back together. The work of the 12 steps needs to also  be done individually, yet we can be truly supported by our fellow sojourners. However, we have much more hope, and thankfully, there are 11 more steps.

Like Humpty, the falling, or admitting we are not together, may very well be the beginning of a new, and uniquely beautiful story.

Posted in healing, houses of refuge, journey, relationships, stacy | 3 Comments »

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