something to reflect on this week as we continue to wrestle with what it means to be true community together—grownups & kids on the journey, growing in Christ’s love & hope, and learning to pass it on to others.

On Children

Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let our bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’ – matthew 19:14

at the refuge we talk all the time about “community” and the importance of living life in the trenches together, learning the ways of Jesus and what it means to love and be loved. a critical piece of our community are our children. we believe we have so much we can learn from them. we believe strongly that they deserve as much intention and love as the grownups. we believe we need everyone’s help to make sure that each of our children are known and nurtured as valued members of our community.

one of the shifts we’ve made in this past year is starting together, with all the grownups and kids in the room at the same time, to be together at the beginning of each gathering. seeing their freedom, their inhibition, their joy is a beautiful gift to us all—and something to learn from. we think when Jesus said “let the little children come to me” he was pointing out to everyone “they’ve got the right idea here….watch them, learn from them, this is what i’m talking about when it comes to kingdom living.”

we’d love to hear some of your thoughts. what are you learning from the children at the refuge? what do you see each week that you want to integrate into your own journey?

ps: to check out our new quarterly refuge kids newsletter, click here. thank you christa and all the current volunteers for all you do to help cultivate safe & loving community for our kiddos.

ppss: this picture was taken at our back-to-school pump it up party last week. it was a blast for the kids & the grownups, too!

PAUL enters carrying several luggage items. He’s obviously packed for a very long journey.

COMMUNITY is sitting on a bench, waiting.

PAUL                                                      Hi there.

COMMUNITY                                       Hi Paul.

PAUL                                                      Oh.

COMMUNITY                                       What?

PAUL                                                      You knew my name already.

COMMUNITY                                       Yes?

PAUL                                                     I didn’t say anything.

COMMUNITY                                       Yes.

PAUL                                                     So, you’re community?

COMMUNITY                                      Yeah.

PAUL                                                     That’s funny.

COMMUNITY                                     What is?

PAUL                                                     I just thought you would be… I don’t know… more of you.

COMMUNITY                                     More?

PAUL                                                    Yeah, like… many.

COMMUNITY                                    Oh… nope.

PAUL                                                    I see.

COMMUNITY                                    How are you feeling?

PAUL                                                   Fine. Good. Yeah… I’ve been busy. I’ve got about three projects going at once… I’m almost done with the
musical and then I’ve got to focus on Dare 2 Share work and
I’m also writing a piece for an event in Missouri… so
trying to do all that and find some balance… seems like I’m
always working, you know? But it’s good… better than the
alternative right?

COMMUNITY                                    How are yo-

PAUL                                                   I love your stuff by the way, really. I been thinking about
it a lot you know? Giving and receiving… really getting
honest and vulnerable… It’s the way I think Jesus really
wants us to live, you know? Connected to each other not just
doing life isolated and disconnected… from… each other
but really going through the shit together, you know? Wait
was that okay?

COMMUNITY                                  What?

PAUL                                                 That I said “shit?”

COMMUNITY                                  Yeah, I guess.

PAUL                                                 See! That’s awesome! I don’t have to be afraid of what I say, I can say “shit” and you don’t freak out.

COMMUNITY                                  So what do you want to say?

PAUL                                                 Because if we can’t say what’s really on our mind then what’s the use, you know? If we’re constantly afraid of what people
would think of us?… because if the most desperate person
isn’t safe then none of us are safe, you know?… like, um…
like… Karl said, You know?
(pause)
It’s all about trust! It’s like really trusting you with all
my scary secrets… the stuff I’m afraid of or ashamed of in
myself.

COMMUNITY                                    What are you ashamed of?

PAUL                                                   …yeah…exactly. Like really asking. Wanting to know… to listen. Wanting to help.

COMMUNITY                                   Can I help you?

PAUL                                                  Uh-huh…What?

COMMUNITY                                  Can I help you?

PAUL                                                  Sure. Yeah. With what?

COMMUNITY                                  What you’re carrying.

PAUL                                                  Oh, it’s not that heavy. I got it.

COMMUNITY                                   Really?

PAUL                                                  Sure.

They sit quietly for a while until PAUL can no longer stand it.

PAUL
(about his bags)                               The biggest one I got from church.

COMMUNITY                                  What’s in it?

PAUL                                                  Oh… you know…stuff.

COMMUNITY                                  Where are you taking it?

PAUL                                                 …and these two are from my parents.

COMMUNITY                                  They’re smaller.

PAUL                                                  That’s funny ‘cause they’re so much more heavy.

COMMUNITY                                  Can I take one?

PAUL                                                 Where?

COMMUNITY                                  Where?

PAUL                                                 Where are you going to take it?

COMMUNITY                                 No where.

PAUL                                                Then why do you want it?

COMMUNITY                                So you rest your arms awhile.

PAUL(looking at bags.)                Um.

(looking at COMMUNITY)          Both of them.

COMMUNITY                                If you want.

PAUL                                                Not really.

COMMUNITY                               Okay. Maybe one?

PAUL                                               I’ll try.

PAUL walks over to COMMUNITY and Lifts the bag. COMMUNITY stands and lifts the bag too but PAUL doesn’t let go. They stand there both holding the bag.

PAUL                                              This is great… thank you!

COMMUNITY                              Are you comfortable?

PAUL                                              Yeah. Sure. I’m fine.

LIGHTS DOWN

for those of you who don’t know, paul is an actor, director, writer, and founding director of torn curtain arts. he continues to infuse the refuge community with creativity and beauty.

Growing up, I kept a deep, hidden secret. Almost too embarrassing to tell until adulthood, I am now ready to come out with it.

I really, really wanted to run away as a kid and be a Brady. Seriously.

Oh sure, I got the fact that it would make it uneven in the male/female ratios. I understood the fact that as a born brunette, my genes did not exactly fit the mold… (but matched with blonde cousin Oliver, we could be the black sheep?!..)

I grew up as an only child in a single-parent home, and once I realized that the Bradys were a myth (not my best day), the fascination with real families grew deeper. When my mom died in 2001, it was the last remaining connection that I had to any biological family. Through a series of events, my need for community was quickly buried by my fierce independence & need to survive. Alone.

*When I am brutally honest, however, the truth remains that the longing to be a (daughter/sister/aunt/distant relative, anything?) is a passionate reality for me.

Moving to Colorado (cue the song “All by mah-sel -y -elf”) was one of the scariest/bravest things I have ever done. Slowly, I am letting myself feel like a real part of community again. Already so very worth it. Refuge community celebrates doing life “family-style”, and that touches a deep , deep place inside. The hope that I have for my new community doesn’t perfectly fit a shiny seventies sitcom, but there are some principles that I long for:

• Real community means feeling like a true part of family, regardless of biological ties.
• Real community means that the whole scripture about how “love is patient, love is kind”…is not just something spouted as a memory verse, or simply embroidered on a forgotten pillow. It means hardcore living.it.out.
• Real community means having people support not only who you are, but also who you’ve been, and the person you want to become.
• Real community means collecting memories over time of yours and others’ personal growth, and getting the opportunity to contribute to that process.
• Real community means that the same people who are safe places to share your broken heart, are also ones that you can laugh with until you cry.
• Real community is a choice to pour out your life, knowing that the best way to live, is together.

I have so much more to give than what is seen in a neatly wrapped 30 minute sitcom. I am so ready to be a part of the non-canned laughter, the tears that don’t always get fixed by “just one” really good heart- to- heart, and the joy & passion that happens when people are deeply committed to the well being of each other.

So, here begins the story of a spunky Stacy, now a very real part of the refuge bunch.

As I think about this neo-nefarious word, community, what does it mean to me, or what should it mean to me?  I remember that in the early 70’s, community meant a good place to smoke dope! (dude! there is a far-out place behind the movie theater and no narks).  But I also remember that in that same period of time as a new born-again-ex-Mormon-dysfunctional-family-survivor-18yr old-new-Christian I belonged to BASIC, Brothers and Sisters In Christ.  It was the closest thing to community I have ever experienced. Keep in mind that I had not learned any of this in my family of origin. Being mostly young adults, we met somewhere in town at a certain time, usually at a park.  There was no organized leadership that I knew about. We were just a bunch of kids trying to figure out this new life in Christ.  Yes, I am an old hippie that spent a lot of time in parks and on mountain tops.

Fast forward to the Post Moderns and Gen-this and Gen-that, and we are still looking for this experience that few of us have truly experienced.  I thought Jesus was our friend forever and we would never be lonely or being out of community. But sometimes we are.

The word has been over used and completely misunderstood. It is used for marketing, church building, business culture and so forth.

It is not: (usually, but can be)

• a Bible study or a book study
• a church service
• a gossip session
• a popular thing to do
• a program
• under control of a single personality
• It should be:
• a safe emotional space to hang out
• to commune (hippie word), to communicate, to talk , to share our lives
• share the food dude! most important!
• a smaller group of about 10 folks
• able to divide into other smaller groups, affinities, hobbies and station in life
• meet as close to once a week as possible
• no agendas just relax and learn to let the Holy Spirit as a confidential group
• a place for healing
• could be an online experience

Now, take a break and enjoy the video. Slow down and drink it in, the I will continue with Part II.

This project wants to become a research paper and that it could be! But what does C (community from here on) mean to me? Below are some comments folks have sent me. Visit the Wiki for much more info.

Glenn - Keith, I enjoyed your blog!! I think those days in Anderson were far from perfect. Especially there were flaws in our attempt of commune living at the” Hill”…but also many great things happened with some great appreciation for each other came out of that. Even after 35 years past, I still feel a sense of family with folks of that era. We really made a serious attempt to live out the gospel and finding real community. We must remember that we are still dealing at times with our fallen nature yet we have a new nature through Christ. Living in closer proximity test both natures for sure. maybe that is why we have difficulty with closer community. What’s your thought?

Shelli - Hi Keith. Great blog! We were recently in Oregon with our friends who are the most amazing example of community I have ever seen. Not only do they meet together once a week, they also camp/vacation together, spend time together, watch each others kids (and goats) and work on each others houses. I think we miss community so much in our (church) culture because we expect to meet together and that takes care of it all. Community is really more like family. It’s all the time Well, that’s my two cents… Can’t wait to read more from you.

Michael Lee - Good writing Keith – Why do we experience so little community in American Christian/church life?

Mike and his wife Karen are ten year veteran missionaries in Russia. I met with them for a short time after 35 yrs of not seeing each other (thanks to FB). They are experiencing great success working with alcohol and drug addicted  young people so indicative of their culture.

Wrapping it up, or Unwrapping it.

Enough of the research and understanding of “C.”

I need it , I want it and I live for it. The problem is that It is not so easy to find it, even if intentional. I am often bored and depressed and feel so much better when a friend will just shut up and sit down and talk to me, just me. This does not happen for me in our community; I have so little history with these folks. I am group shy and don’t know what to talk about in a five minute pass-by in a gathering. I need a smaller group where we can really get to know each other to a point where the Holy Spirit is allowed to minister to each other. Sometime I shy away and don’t show up because I see the desire and need for “C” and we settle for a five minute, How are you?  This is frustrating because it is like that big delicious Hershey Almond bar wrapped in shrink wrap so thick it has to be opened with a knife or scissors instead of a paper wrapping that can easily be torn open in the bag on the way home just for a morsel. It is so close, we see it, we want it!  Just a morsel at times!

I saw this at the camping trip where Steve and Debbie always had large fresh pots of coffee at their campsite. “Brew it and they will come,”became the unofficial comment. Like Shelli said above, “we expect to meet together and that takes care of it all.” Yeah! If only we could un-encumber our time for just a little very and gooey milk chocolate running down our chins with a broad smile of contentment.

I’ll close with this:  Psalm 133:1-3 in The Message:

How wonderful, how beautiful, when brothers and sisters get along!
It’s like costly anointing oil

flowing down head and beard,
Flowing down Aaron’s beard,

flowing down the collar of his priestly robes.

It’s like the dew on Mount Hermon
flowing down the slopes of Zion.

Yes, that’s where GOD commands the blessing,

ordains eternal life.

we started our justice conversation in may with a panel of 5 different voices who have somehow been affected by injustice.  issues of race, gender, domestic violence, mental illness, disabled children were put on the table.  understanding issues of justice and what it means for us individually & corporately requires listening to each other and recognizing that even though we might not understand how someone else feels, part of our responsibility as Christ-followers is to try to understand.  and, at the same time, to recognize that instead of division, the kingdom needs unity, a spirit-breathed recognition that we are always on both sides of justice—the abused and the abuser.  the oppressed and the oppressor.  a crazy mix of good and bad, beauty and ugliness, all at the same time.  recognizing this will help us shift the finger pointing and begin to notice how God is calling us to stand together on each other’s behalf. sam trujillo said it best.  they are one, because we are one.  check it out here:

“they are one” (audio file)

I was in the produce aisle the other day with my friend Sam Trujillo.  We were talking about authentic community while I gently pressured avocados and he, the limes.  We mused about the rubber meets road challenges of making community together at The Refuge, contrasted with wistfully talking about ‘community’ as a distant, golden dream as we have done before in other circles.  Sam summarized the paradox of authentic community in this way:

“Many want to have it,  but few are willing to own it”.

Since we are both into restoring and building custom cars, I thought of my Volkswagen camper project.  I have a rare vehicle that many would like to have, and few are willing to own.

For the sake of analogy, let’s take little ride together.  As we go, think of what it takes to live out what Jesus taught.  I mean every day, whether you like it or not.   With those whom God has placed in our lives,  and not just on the good days.  Working toward something that you love in a deep way, but which may not give an immediate reward.  Something that you believe in, but sometimes makes you feel crazy just from the contrast of being in an odd vehicle in such normal traffic.

My bus was built in December of 1981.  Being the first of the economical small diesel vans ever made, it was rushed to the U.S. market at the end of the last fuel crisis.  President Carter had set the national speed limit at 55 mph.  The VW execs felt bold enough to authorize sending a two-ton deluxe campmobile with a 48 horsepower rabbit engine (not kidding) to America, because it can go 55.  

Unless there is a hill or a headwind.

By the time it got here in 1982, the solar panels had been torn from the roof of the White House,  gas was on it’s way toward being cheap again, the speed limits were being raised, and my Westfalia instantly became weird.

Fast forward 26 years.  Another fuel crisis, bad economics (for 95% of us, anyway), and concern once again for our planet.  An RV that gets 30 mpg on renewable fuel?  heck yah.  Who wouldn’t want that?  Now, you can upgrade to a turbo for more power (after the engine is rebuilt) change the transmission,  etc, etc, etc.  It would be perfect. 

The problem is I still have to do the work.  And I’m starting with something that is old and worn out, and needs lots of restoration.  I’ve had it for a year now, and it is my daily driver.  It is original, slow, more ugly than flashy, and needs a lot of TLC.  I patch it together together myself and keep going, and avoid driving on interstates.  I hold on to it and keep working at it, because someday it will great.  And even as it is, it has given me some really great times.

In some ways, being in authentic Christian community has some similarities.   Since we all have a lot to learn about this,  it often seems like a “fixer-upper”.   We are not obsessed with working on ourselves, but undertake the path of following Jesus with others.  We seek to be honest about our lives.  When it’s good, it is good.  When it’s hard, we are there for each other with love without having to sugar coat it. 

I continue to hope that others will jump in with us as they will.  We’re always happy to meet new and old friends.  We don’t know it all, but we know enough to trust God, and praise him together as we go. 

Abandoned by God, abandoned by God for years, Mother Teresa felt abandoned by God.  Can you believe that?  A spiritual icon, a saint, the saint of our generation felt abandoned by God sometimes for decades at a time, can you believe that?

            I can.  And even more importantly it makes me love her, respect her and appreciate her more than ever.  She was a true woman of faith.  Belief and service to God is way more than a one time shot, it’s a struggle full of ups and downs full of pain and fear and definitely full of uncertainty.  For it’s not faith without fear, intimacy without pain or depth of relationship without tremendous risk.  True courage only comes in the face of fear and true faith only comes in the face of uncertainty. 

In my heart it is exactly Mother Teresa’s sense of abandonment that shows her profound intimate relationship with our Lord Jesus.  She began the “Missionaries of Charity” at the direction of God and she kept doing it even after the fuzzy joy and immediate excitement wore off.  She kept loving, holding, healing, serving and pouring herself into the lives of the poorest of the poor in spite of her doubts.  She kept on being a pencil in the hand of God writing a love letter to the world in spite of nagging fear and true loneliness. 

Mother Teresa is the real deal and it is a privilege to have been on the earth with someone like that.  For me there’s nothing left to be said except for a deep heart felt thank you to our loving Father in heaven for blessing all of us with such an incredible example of mercy.  I praise you and thank you Father for this wonderful gift you have given us all, Mother Teresa. 

we all need a little love now and then!

.

Just when I think things couldn’t get any better they do, just when I think things couldn’t get any worse they do, just when I think I have it all figured out I realize I don’t, just when I think I can’t face another day I do…I could go on and on about all the times when I have thought something and low and behold the plates shift and alachazam…it is the exact opposite of what I thought. 

I’m an analytical thinker.  I weigh my options, compare and contrast, and look at as many sides of a situation that I possible can before I take a stance or make a decision.  I have a friend who gets a little annoyed with me because my thinking things through also at times cause me to speak with extended pauses in the middle of sentences.  I don’t even want to speak a word without having considered the impact of that word on my audience.

It doesn’t matter what I’m considering, it could be something simple or something very complex.  I approach most situations with my head.  I’ve been learning over the last few years that my head needs to get out of the way sometimes, and make room for my heart.  I wonder if Jesus’ plea to his father in Gethsemane would have occurred if he had let his head do the thinking.  Jesus is God, so what on earth was he pleading for, he could have chosen to do things oh so differently then how it actually played out.   Yet, He did not.    

Based on past experience I can say that thinking doesn’t always produce what I want and often times even produce’s the opposite.  I’m close to letting my heart guide a decision, a particularly hard decision that I’m facing right now.  The nearer I get to doing this though the fears of my rational mind creep in.  What I’m experiencing though is that the longer it takes me to make the decision the worse the situation gets…I have a feeling that if I don’t let my heart make this decision God will pull me down until I have no choice but to release my mind (aka – loosing my mind, going crazy, bonkers), then all that will be left will be my heart.  Maybe Jesus lost His mind (released His mind), in Gethsemane in order to give His heart the chance to do what was crazy and illogical, but what had to be done in order for the best outcome to be achieved.  I’m praying that I loose my mind very soon