“The hope of the afflicted shall never perish”
- Psalm 9:18

The Refuge did a short interview on Hope with Tami. Here are some of her thoughts:

how would you describe where you are in your life when it comes to hope?  are you feeling a little of it?  a lot of it?  why?

I feel a little of it.  Hope is one of those things that has a life of its own for me. Hope doesn’t depend on any one person to need it, make it, conjure it up, give it to others (though lending hope is totally do-able), or anything, …  it is already within each of us, a God-given enigma to live and survive without losing any part of ourselves.  It’s nice this way, because its existence doesn’t matter at all whether or not we feel it. If there is one miniscule bit of it anywhere to be found in us, it will bust out of the darkest places in infinite quantities to get us from one dark place to something human, even if for just a moment. Very frequently this is brought about in the context of community, through another person who takes a moment to just qualify the fact that another person is living, breathing, valuable, and hurting in that moment.  And a moment is everything when we humans are suffering–  and so hope is our last, best, only line of defense against darkness.  Good thing it doesn’t depend on us…

when you think of the word hope, what do you think of?

I think of one of the most uncontrollable, powerful forces of the universe.

what makes you afraid to hope?

Some of my experience tells me that things really can and will get bad– the floor does fall through. And then comes the fear that the lies are true–that God might leave me alone to die there.

what brings you hope?

Others who know my struggle and weaknesses, but who still know and can still see who I really am, even through seeing me at my worst, and then remind me, help me, get my bearings straight again so I can move on without condemnation for where I just was.  Moving forward, being able to bounce back with the truth of some good.

how have you “borrowed hope” from others?  what difference has that made in your life?

Borrowing hope is like the fastrack out of despair. Hope already exists and will find everyone somehow in moments, but when borrowing hope, both parties have to choose to do this.  Borrowing hope simply means letting my guard down just long enough to let another person give me a quick glimpse of something good that makes it worth getting to the next moment and letting all the possibilities take hold.  Mind you, it is HARD to let it happen when I’m in the midst of darkness. But it’s a lot like an opportunistic infection–  the moment it finds the right place, then is exposed to spread in an environment that’s made to grow that infection…  it spreads like wildfire, which is why I say that only God can have anything to do with it.  Humans just aren’t able to do this stuff…only to let it happen.

there’s no way to define the mystery of “hope” but what are some ways God tends to bring some of it to you?  what does that look like, feel like, taste like?

It’s something good and true that sets off that thing God put in me, so I can make it a little longer through the darkness.  For me it’s a hug or someone who knows me telling me the truth about my identity when I’m confused there, or that weird feeling behind my cheekbones that I get when I really cry hard and nobody is mad at me for doing so.  Or that relaxation and warmth of being able to just be still and lie there without a fight and grieve— to freely be able to feel and know it won’t hurt my chances for a spot in heaven or in a loved one’s life.

what would you say right now to someone who’s feeling hopeless?

What you feel is just fine, and I don’t want you to stop it.  I can see you even through all the dark you feel.  I’m perfectly fine with you being here and you’re worth staying with through it.

what would you say right now to someone who’s feeling hopeful?

Cool.  Relish it, grow it, and hold that thought—you, or someone else. will need it later.