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The Refuge - Blessed are the…

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

this is the liturgy we wrote & have been using each week at our sunday gatherings focusing in on the beatitudes & the sermon the mount. as the final line says, may these words sink deeply into our hearts, our lives in ways we never dreamed:

blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

God, we need you.

we’re at the end of our rope. we can’t do it.

without you, we’re empty, un-filled.

ALL- God, help us realize how much we need you.

blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

sometimes we are afraid to feel, we don’t know what to feel

we’re too tired. we’re too afraid. what if it starts & never stops? what if they use it against me? what if i can’t? what if i don’t know how?

ALL - God, help us learn to feel

blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

we want to be the one who isn’t always butting into the front of the line, who isn’t demanding &self-centered.

we want to move more slowly, so that maybe we can see better

we want to be the car that changes lanes letting others merge onto the road.

the one who asks but is willing to wait.

ALL- God help us learn what it means to be gentle in a harsh world.

blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

we want to stand up for what is right, take action for our friends

reach out to those that have been pushed aside and down

be a defense

ALL- God help us be bold and advocate for others

blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

we want caring hearts. compassionate hearts. forgiving hearts. soft hearts.

hearts that can hold the breaking heart of another

hearts that offer grace, hands that offer help

ALL- God help us be vessels of mercy and grace

blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

help our pride erode to humility

peel away our hardness

discard the moldy, unusable pieces, then unveil the deep inside, that which matters most

ALL– God remove what’s getting in the way

blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.

teach us to forgive

to be healing balm in places of strife.

to lay down our guns & our need to win

to keep walking alongside the prisoners of war when we want to hide behind the barracks

ALL – God, help us be known as promoters of peace.

blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

help us remember that you know what it feels like to be misunderstood, mocked, rejected

for we feel like rejects

we have tried to be more like you and we only feel less. and lost

teach us how to count this as gain when every part of us thinks we’re failing.

ALL – God, may their misunderstanding of us mean that we have a better understanding of you.

God, turn us upside down and inside out. may these ways, sink deeply into our hearts, our lives in ways we’d never dreamed.

ALL - AMEN.

Posted in church stuff, community, dreams, social justice, spiritual formation, the refuge | No Comments »

JENNY- blessed are the poor…

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

In response to Doug’s request, I “brought art” for The Refuge last weekend. He and Sage led the conversation on the 1st of the beatitudes: “blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.” It always warms my heart to hear how much Doug appreciates art as a valuable piece of the worship experience, how for him it makes such a difference in creating a holy space (and moment in time), and gives a focal point to help draw our attention to the intent of our thoughts and time together. So I was glad to partner with him on his Sunday.

I thought I might have something at home previously created that would work well enough, but during the week I couldn’t think of anything that fit. Even though we had a chaotic stressed out week, I wanted to create something about what was stirring for me about the poor, the poor in spirit and the kingdom.

My personal kingdom was being invaded by some very bold mice in the kitchen. I got very creeped out as the experience wore on and so much of our time and energy was used for baiting traps (ugh!), clearing out cabinets, cleaning, and then bleaching everything. I’m still not done after days of it. During this time I have been reading a lot of stories about what Hurricane Katrina victims went through and my bleaching escapades do not compare with what they faced when and if they got back into their homes. The current issue of Oxford American is all about New Orleans 3 years later and includes first-hand accounts of local writers who have a strong connection to the city. One woman tells of her family’s traumatic experience of not evacuating as the water was rising. Many other people also faced dramatic challenges, the devastation of losing loved ones, homes, belongings, jobs, pets, etc. They had little before the hurricane and even less after. How were these folks valued and cared for? Were the delayed and botched rescue efforts an indication?

Jesus says some very radical things in the Sermon on the Mount (in Matthew) as he turns values and expectations on their heads. “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom.” Luke’s version is more like “Blessed are you who are poor.” Both meanings are present in the Hebrew word behind the Greek. In fact, depending on the context, the Hebrew word for “poor” can also mean oppressed, afflicted, wretched, miserable, helpless, humble, patient, meek. Basically completely bankrupt in every way.

Jesus is saying that our emptiness and nothingness before God is not only a virtue, but brings the kingdom of God to us. We cannot look to ourselves because the cupboard is bare, the plate is empty. I had these things in mind while creating the art piece you see above. I was also thinking about how Jesus probably didn’t look “right”, talk “right”, dress “right”, and so forth to suit the wealthy, powerful, and religious in-group. He seemed more closely identified with the working people, those who might be wearing laborers clothes, soiled and ragged.

He was willing to “fellowship” with them in the truest sense, to sit with them at table, and offer them the greatest thing in the world–true love and true life.

His offer is still open. His upside-down values are still in effect. Am I wearing workman’s clothes in the spirit? Am I bankrupt and wanting? I want to be, and I want to experience his kingdom and fellowship with him in the truest sense.

Thanks, Doug, for your request for art. It brought me an opportunity to see God’s Spirit at work during the week as I pondered Jesus’ words.

Posted in arts, jenny, spiritual formation | No Comments »

SAM - We Carry Around Both

Monday, May 5th, 2008

We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus,
so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

2 Corinthians 4:10

Both the death and the life of Jesus Christ live within us.

tree and cathedral

Think about that for a second. We walk around each day carrying the death of Christ with us all the time. The pain, the suffering, the agony, the misery, the lashes, the thorns, the gasping. the trauma of Christ’s experience of death rests within us. We are never without it, for it is always in our body. Thus, we must never ignore it nor should we ever reject it, for it has a purpose.

Yes, there is a purpose for the death of Christ to live in our body. This is so that the life of Christ may be revealed. The death experience of Christ is embedded in our bodies and will always be with us. Perhaps in some way it is us. As we search and explore the depth of this reality we find the life of Christ is revealed by way of it.

Hence, the two are inseparable. We dare not experience the revelation of Christ’s life extended to us unless we are willing to experience the death of Christ that is always with us.

So are you willing to experience the pain, the suffering, the agony, the misery, the lashes, the thorns, the gasping. the trauma of Christ’s experience of death?

Regardless of your disposition, you carry it in your body everywhere you go.

It is always with you so that the life of Jesus may be revealed in your body.

Get to know it, get to feel it, get to own it, and through that the life of Jesus will be revealed.

Posted in sam, spiritual formation | 4 Comments »

from geography of grace: believing in people like jesus did

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

we love the geography of grace blog that sam trujillo edits. it is really worth checking out. there are two recent posts that we’d love for you to read.

the first is about NAN (never be fake, always feel pain & never turn down healing), the mom’s group that tiera trujillo facilitates at joshua station. check it out here. a few refuge folks are helping babysit the kids the first saturday of every month while the moms are participating in NAN. if you want to be part of this team, email tiera.

the other story is a recent post by bob ekblad, who is part of tierra nueva, an ecumenical ministry that seeks to share the good news of God’s liberation in Jesus Christ with migrant farmworkers, new immigrants, and permanent hispanic residents in western washington. he the author of reading the bible with the damned and a new christian manifesto: pledging allegiance to the kingdom of God. we loved what he shared about believing in people like jesus did.

here’s just a taste:

The story of Jesus’ healing of the paralytic in Bethesda never fails to bring healing and hope in Skagit County Jail and other places we at Tierra Nueva minister. Jesus heals a man who for many reasons cannot succeed. This inspires me as I feel drawn to people who the world has given up on. Jesus heals him by knowing him, respecting him, believing in him and calling him to do something humanly impossible: to stand up and step out of his debilitating circumstances into a new life. Jesus is on his way to a religious feast in Jerusalem—kind of like the priest and the Levite of the Good Samaritan story. Jesus stops at a pool by the sheep gate, where “lay a multitude of those who were sick, blind, lame, and withered, waiting for the moving of the waters” (John 5:3).

“What would be the equivalent of the pool today?” I ask a group of inmates. The first man mentions hospitals. Others say “bars,” “drug houses” and “right here in this jail.” They talk about being sick and paralyzed by addictions, negative emotions, charges, imprisonment, debt and fines. The inmates have no difficulty envisioning themselves there among the multitude of those desperate for a breakthrough.

read the rest of the post here.

Posted in community, healing, injustice, sam, spiritual formation | No Comments »

MIKE: living (and loving incarnately)

Tuesday, February 5th, 2008

“the word became flesh and moved into the neighborhood…” john 1:14, the message

last week at the refuge we talked about the spiritual discipline of incarnational relationships. “in the flesh”…”the state of meat.” real flesh on flesh. life on life. it really got me thinking…

christians try to convert the atheists, parents try to convert their kids to positive ways of behavior that will make their lives much easier and fulfilling. and addicts (alcohol, drug, sex, food, control, work, codependency, money, untruthfulness….you name it) drive present addicts up the wall with their incessant preaching. let’s face it, we all have an agenda.

i’m a recovery snob. having been involved for almost 6 years in various recovery/healing groups, i see the immense benefit of working on our stuff through a 12 step program. i believe, to the point of sometimes cramming my agenda down your throat. i mean, hey, i have wisdom that i think should be imparted to you! the truth is my goal is, quite often, very noble and helpful. it is good to accept Jesus and be a Christ follower. it’s good for a child to learn to integrate into the world around him/her. it’s also good for the addict to come to grips with their brokenness and begin to heal. but i’m definitely beginning to rethink my role and my methods in this process.

a half a year ago, i was talking to one of my mentors about someone i’d known for a few years. this young lady was, in my prideful opinion, in need of my wisdom on her recovery. (a need she had never shared that she needed or desired, but i have been practicing mind reading for decades). so i decided i was going to make her a “project” of mine. (as i type these words, i break out in a cold sweat thinking i could be so full of myself and so utterly arrogant. i’m pleased to say i have asked her forgiveness, on more than one occasion, and she has responded to me with nothing but grace).

but God worked in His mysterious way, to show me what i believe to be a better way. while having the conversation with my mentor, i received a call from my friend asking me to hang out with her on that saturday. wow, i thought, this must be God’s validation that i was on the right path to fix her life. (remember the mind reading thing.) God, as usual, was on a slightly different page.

that friday night i attended a discussion with jim henderson (the founder of “off the map“) and matt casper (the friendly atheist). a christian and an atheist who were not trying to convert each other, but just be friends, love each other and discuss their beliefs. during a q&a session, a caring but misguided young pastor was arrogant enough to think he had just the right magic words to convert casper. in a gentle rebuttal, casper made a very good point. he said christians seem to know just what he needs and they are going to give it to him, even if he doesn’t want it. he went on to say that this would never work and could drive a wedge into a relationship. then he made a remark that i hope will forever change how i do relationships. he said: “if i am to be converted it will be by the power of, who you call, the Holy Spirit.”

this seemed so profound. i remember Jesus saying the Holy Spirit would draw us to God. and i remember Him saying the greatest commandment was to love God and each other. so, just maybe, it is the Holy Spirit’s job to move people’s hearts and lives and my job is to love them. encourage them. and guide them (only if they ask) on their journey. and then just see what God does.

casper’s words stirred something up in me, but by saturday morning my own sense of self had kicked back in and i was busy at work formulating a strategy. a way to manipulate my friend so i could drag her on the journey that had worked so well for me. (although, if my journey was as successful as i sometimes like to think, i would not be so controlling and manipulative, would i?). as i was driving to meet her for lunch, i had a Damascus experience. in a voice that was barely less than audible, God said to me:”weren’t you paying attention, last night, when matt explained that pushing on people isn’t the answer. just love her. be her friend. the Holy Spirit will do the rest”. so i prayed and asked God to guide my interactions with her.

that day was hard for me. so many times i had to fight the urge to “fix” my friend. we accomplished the task we needed to do in a few hours, but spent 7 hours just hanging and talking. i have a hard time with surface conversation—i love to go deep–so i had to resist pushing or prodding her to go in the direction i thought she needed to go. as we headed to the parking lot to go our separate ways, she paused before getting into her car. she started to share. really share from her heart. this wonderful sharing lasted over an hour and a half. while she shared a beautiful transformation occurr ed. in the twilight, i saw her face change, right before my eyes. it was like a veil had been lifted. the masks started to come off. both mine and hers. we had taken that next step on our journey toward healing. we were no longer people who knew each other. not just a fixer and a project. not just, even, friends. but special soul-mates on the same journey. an amazing thing has since happened. not only have i been able to speak truth and healing into her life, but she has been able to do the same for me. we have become safe for each other. one not always leading, one not always following, but walking side by side with each other. living incarnately…

over a year ago i experienced this same joy with my daughter. as we struggled with our relationship, i remember her saying: “i don’t need you to be my dad, i need you to be my friend”. puzzled by this remark i talked with a counselor i know. she said she already knows what you expect from her. you’ve been telling her for 26 years. she is struggling to be what she should be. she just wants and needs you to love her and be there for her. when i told my daughter this she said that was exactly what she desired from me. i told her i would do my best and a few months later God showed up, again. she was able to share the very hard things in her life that she had never been able to share because i was now safe for her. and again the healing has gone both ways. we have never been closer.

i believe that really a wise friend said: “if we love people, the way God loves them, they are able to let down the wall between us. and when they do we will see the beautiful person that God has always seen. the person that, sadly, most people will never see. because it takes too much time and is way too hard and messy, but oh oh so worth it”.

spiritual meat is not a bible study, words that when said will magically transform people. no, i am coming to grips with the reality that spiritual meat is life on life, in the trenches with each other, not one up, one down, but heart to heart, life to life, soul to soul. with each other, not for or to each other. that’s living & loving incarnately.

Posted in community, mike, spiritual formation | 2 Comments »

what’s next?? prayer beads!

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008

at our sunday gatherings we are focusing on the spiritual disciplines, meaningful ways to connect with God that might feel a little odd, foreign, maybe even wacky. Because of some people’s religious histories, some babies get thrown out with the bathwater. good practices got warped so now there’s a little fear of venturing into certain territories. what we are trying to create is an exposure to some new ideas and give folks a chance to give some new (or old) spiritual practices a try.

during our conversation on the spiritual practice of prayer, the idea of mindfulness—turning our hearts toward God in intentional ways—was tossed around. what came into the conversation was the use of prayer beads to guide prayer. we know in some circles, such a thought is a little taboo. our thought is that things that turn our hearts toward Jesus are worth looking into. our friend sage had created some prayer beads that were helping him with mindfulness toward God. we were intrigued. so what cropped out of that was a house of refuge beading party where people could create prayer beads that were uniquely theirs. no “here’s what you need to pray”—just a venue to get creative on what people might want to focus on intentionally for a while. the finished products were amazing!

so here’s a little backstory from sage, a little history, a little practical example of how his beads work for him & also some pictures of the refuge creations. we will have a bead table & supplies at our sunday february 24th dinner & gathering for those that want to have a chance to create their own.

SAGE: I pray with beads.

I grew up Protestant, spent 20 years away from the church, and have been following Jesus actively for about 3 years now. I love the way folks in the evangelical church pray for and with each other. On my own though, I didn’t.

To help encourage myself in prayer, I peeked over the fence at the practice of using beads to structure prayer. Others do this too- beyond our Catholic bretheren and the less well known practices of Orthodox and some Anglican traditions.

So I made a string of beads (a circle was too much for me), put a cross on one end, and to remind me of rabbi Jesus’ tassels, I put one of those on the other end.

A while after I made it, I was looking into the history of praying with beads. The old english word for prayer was ‘bid’. The word bead came from the word ‘bid’. Very early Christians fled into the deserts of Egypt to escape Roman persecution. Some had 150 pieces of gravel in a little bag. They’d pull out the handful and remember all 150 psalms as they walked around keeping the faith alive. As it turns out, the very early form of prayer beads (which evolved from that), and pre-dates the rosary, was called the “pater nostrum”–or “our father” beads. It was a string of beads with a cross on one end and a tassel on the other. I had absolutely no idea that what I had created was the same as these early beads. Sometimes you get lucky.

Here’s what mine look like:

When making my prayer beads, I chose what fits based on the Bible, creeds, plus spontaeous and “family” prayer. I structured mine this way-

•On the cross I say the Lord’s Prayer.
•The next one is red, and I use it for the opening prayer (invocation)
“Lord, open thou my lips, and my mouth will bring forth thy praise”
• After the red bead, I spelled out ‘refuge’ (the name of our little faith community) friendship bracelet style out of block letters, with blue-green round beads in between.
• So (to keep from babbling, and knowing that thanksgiving is good and I’m lazy) I say a unique and spontaneous prayer of thanksgiving on each blue bead. then
• On each letter bead I say the greatest commandment, also known as the “Jesus Creed”
“I love the Lord with all of my heart, my soul, my strength, and my mind, and I love my neighbor as myself”.
• I alternate between thanks-givings and the Jesus creed ‘till I get to the BIG red bead, where I stop and remember all who are in need around me. I stay on this one as long as I can, trying to remember well. (intercession)
• The next one is gold. I don’t pray with that one. sometimes a bead is just a bead.
• The last one is like the first, and it is for my closing prayer. I sing the doxology (“praise God from whom all blessings flow…”).

and I’m done.

As friends, we got together the other day and made more prayer beads. Each one was a beautiful and unique expression of a prayer life.

In the end, the beads haven’t done a darn thing for me.
The prayers, however, have.

here are some refuge creations. the pictures don’t do them justice. we wish we could share what each one meant but just use your imagination. they are truly beautiful prayers:

Posted in houses of refuge, spiritual formation | 2 Comments »

JENNY - sacred cows

Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008

this is a repost from jenny herrick’s blog. so good. may we be people willing to give up things that limit Jesus.

PART ONE:

I think one of my resolutions this year will be fewer sacred cows. Having been around the Church block a few times, I’ve at times found, adopted, rejected, or ignored rallying cries and doctrinal dividing lines along the way. Years ago I was part of discussions (i.e. arguments) to do with eschatological events and I’ve been fairly certain about different positions on opposite sides of the spectrum at different times! I could back both sides up with scripture. That shows how crazy some of that stuff gets. This is really weird, but I once had my community of faith (during early college years) tell me they “couldn’t fellowship with me anymore” because I was asking questions about the Holy Spirit! They believed charismatic experience was “wrong.” I wasn’t pushed out of the group because I was selling drugs or living with my boyfriend, but for messing with their sacred cow of doctrinal purity according to them.

Another group said I had to be “spirit-filled.” Anything liturgical was surely a sign of spiritual deadness and just head knowledge. Only certain people were allowed to pray for other people. I heard one leader say she wouldn’t let so-and-so (who by the way loved Jesus) touch her in prayer (afraid she would get slimed), thereby labeling that person as suspect, messed up, demonized or whatever in front of all the hearers. I am not talking about spiritual warfare, which I think is very real, but what seems like unkind pettiness.

I’ve heard warnings to be ultra-careful about what words come out of the mouth. A negative declaration may come true. Okay, this is a little extreme, but I know someone who will not say she is catching a cold, only that she is “catching a healing.” Very important to her, but seems a little like fantasyland to me.

These are admittedly my own absurd examples and in no way reflect the wonderful, wise, loving people I have known in all camps. I am so thankful for what I have learned and experienced from many persuasions in my faith journey. I’ve had some excellent mentors, too. It’s easy to look back and in hind sight see absurdity in some cases, but how many sacred cows do I still hold to (and even feed) that I don’t recognize as such? How many times do I think of someone as being “in” or “out” related to my or my group’s sacred cow? Do I alter my behavior to please people (whom I want to impress) over Jesus?

This year I hope to become freer from bottom lines that will not hold up over time. In other words, I want to grow in a knowledge of truth that causes me to root deeper in Jesus and his way (the way of love.) That sounds simplistic, but it is not. It is a process of debunking sacred cows that interfere with that along the way as I become aware of them. And friends, I will need you to help me. Are you “in” or “out”?

PART TWO:

Have you noticed how some people are affected by our sacred cows (methods of evangelism, prosperity message, etc…) Consider a portion of I Take My Chances by Mary Chapin Carpenter from one of my all-time favorite albums: Come On, Come On

I take my chances, I don’t mind working without a net
I take my chances, I take my chances every chance I get

I sat alone in the dark one night, tuning in by remote
I found a preacher who spoke of the light but there was brimstone in his throat
He’d show me the way according to him in return for my personal check
I flipped my channel back to CNN and I lit another cigarette

I take my chances, forgiveness doesn’t come with a debt
I take my chances, I take my chances every chance I get

I’ve crossed lines of words and wire and both have cut me deep
I’ve been frozen out and I’ve been on fire and the tears are mine to weep
Now I can cry until I laugh and laugh until I cry
So cut the deck right in half, I’ll play from either side

In Richard Foster’s discussion of Formation Prayer (Prayer, Finding the Heart’s True Home pp.60,61), he describes the active pursuit of humility. After all formation has to do with conformity to Christlikeness, so could it be that there is an antidote to some of our sacred cows that has to do with humility? He says:

…in simple terms, humility means to live as close to the truth as possible; the truth about ourselves, the truth about others, the truth about the world in which we live…

It does not mean groveling or finding the worst possible things to say about ourselves. Humility is in fact, filled with power to bring forth life. The word itself comes from the Latin humus, which means fertile ground. “Humility,” writes Anthony Bloom, “is the situation of the earth.” In one sense humility is nothing more than staying close to the earth. The earth, Bloom reminds us, is always with us, always taken for granted, always walked on by everyone. It is the place where we dump our garbage. “It’s there”, continues Bloom, “silent and accepting everything and in a miracuous way making out of all the refuse new richness…transforming corruption itself into a power of life and a new possibility of creativeness, open to the sunshine, open to the rain, ready to receive any seed we sow and capable of bringing thirtyfold, sixtyfold, a hundredfold out of every seed.” Such is the power of humility.

I want to think more about this power of humility. It sounds like a power for freedom, a power for joy, a power that attracts and makes people curious about the life it enables.

Posted in church stuff, fundamentalism, jenny, spiritual formation, theology | 2 Comments »

KATHY - the desert

Sunday, January 6th, 2008

the desert is one of the nastiest places to get lost without food and water. the heat, the elements, the lack of water can be deadly if you’re out there for an extended time, unexpectedly. there’s really nothing pleasant about it–exposed to sun, wind, intense heat, predators, without shade or shelter. while a lot of us may not have ever been stuck in a physical desert, my guess is a lot of us have been stuck in a spiritual one. out in the desert, alone, exhausted, seeking water & shelter and finding none. wondering “when am i going to be rescued? when is God going to show up? when will i even get just a small sip of water, a sign from God, a flutter in my heart, something, that will carry me a little longer?” the spiritual desert is one of the worst places to be because it’s so confusing. if God is so good, then why is he absent? i am showing up, trying to be present, doing my part, and nothing’s changing. what happened? what did i do wrong? how come other people are experiencing God’s love, hope, spirit at work, and i’ve got nothing?

there are no good answers to these questions, really. i don’t understand the desert, either. i have been there myself. seasons where i just don’t feel God the way i used to, the way i long to. i strain and strain to see but everywhere i look i just don’t see what i was hoping for. i begin to question my faith. doubt God. shake my fist at God. ponder just throwing in the towel.

in evangelical christianity, the desert experience sometimes can feel like it has “something to do with us.” if we pray more, serve more, memorize more, get out of ourselves more, anything “more” we’ll “get back on track with God again” and out of the desert quickly. i’m not discounting we play a part, but i think this philosophy creates shame. the reason we’re not feeling or experiencing God is because i’m not doing it the way i should be. i am so familiar with this feeling. when i hear someone talk about how excited they are about God, i am sometimes jealous. and then i immediately go to shame—see, i am not doing what i am supposed to be doing to “get” God. if i only i were a better Christian. it’s all so stupid, really, but i am just being honest about how messed up i got with performance-based christianity.

our spiritual fathers and mothers—christian teachers and mystics and writers over the centuries—all recognized something very powerful about the desert experience. it is part of our journey with God and places where we might learn the very most about ourselves, about Jesus. st. john of the cross, over 500 years ago, experienced what he called “the dark night of the soul”, a complete absence of God for a season. while it seems like a horrible thing in the moment, terrifying, really, this kind of spiritual desolation is looked upon by many spiritual writers as a critical piece of spiritual transformation where everything gets stripped away (all of our works, efforts, techniques) and get down to the essence—God & us. that can sound pretty lofty. maybe even just a trite idea.

but like a lot of trite things, there can be some incredible truth in the triteness.

when all is gone, nothing left, just my weird crazy self straining to see God, feel God, hear God. maybe that’s where the real action happens. but i just don’t see it in the moment. and when i don’t get it, i’m out. i’m mad. i start to walk out to the desert on purpose.

but what i’m wondering these days is if maybe some of my “desert experience” is just that my faith and connection to God has made shifts over the past years & because it’s different it feels somehow “dry” in comparison. what used to be part of our relationship isn’t anymore and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. our relationship is just….different. i still long for the days of the passionate romance where i was just so “in” to the Bible & church & the spiritual high. i’m beginning to embrace that while that was good, real, true for that season, i am just in a different season, and if i look and notice, i see and experience God’s presence still, but it’s just not quite as exciting. i’m not saying i want to settle for less.

i am saying i need to learn to see the good in what is.

meanwhile, i know a lot of us out there feel like they are in the desert. tired. holding on by a thread, wondering when God is going to show up. i don’t have any great answers like i used to, but i do know this. i think we’re supposed to stay in and keep our hearts as open as we are able to. listen for Jesus’ love in some small way you’d never imagine. how we end up experiencing Him might end up being completely contrary to how we’ve ever experienced God before. you are not alone. something bigger is always happening that we cannot see in the moment. and probably what’s been the most sustaining to me when i am lost and wandering: never underestimate what God might be saying through people. sometimes the only thing i have had to hold on to is the word of a friend, God speaking to me through a person.

God, when we’re in the desert, bring us drink. a small cup of water, something that reminds us you’re there. give us strength to hold on, to wait. bring life out of barrenness. remind us what is good. and give us eyes to see even when we’re blinded by our thirst. Amen.

Posted in healing, kathy, spiritual formation | 1 Comment »

SAM - Less is More

Sunday, November 18th, 2007

I’ve used this video recently in a church classroom from You Tube titled Shift Happens to create conversation about globalization and explore the truths about our ever increasing globally connected society. Of the many mind boggling statements in the video, one of the most notable in the video was, “Did you know…we’re living in exponential times.” This was followed by example after example of where our current state of consciousness globally is to make more, create more, dream more, have more, produce more, see more, more, more, more. Well, you get the point. Which leads me to the conclusion, that since we live in Exponential Times we must be headed for an Exponential Faith. But what does that really mean?

Sunday night I sat in on a “Bible Study” that was all about Jesus. The topic of discussion was “Learning to slow your busy life down as Jesus did and make time to connect with God and/or be in God’s presence.” Not a bad topic at all. Scripture gives us examples of Jesus “getting away” to pray and such in Luke 4:42, Luke 5:15-16, Matthew 14:22-23, Luke 6:12…and I’m sure you could find more if you studied the Bible or just Googled it. Given all that good stuff, the reflection about Christ finding time to “chill” was a good one, until half way into the study I heard the magic word, the global word, the exponentially suggestive word…more. Once that word more is introduced in a faith study it’s like the shifting of the tectonic plates for some reason. The conversation shifted from an acknowledgement and identification of Jesus’ human need to take some time to step back from “busy life” to a formula of how we could have an exponential faith. And this is where I start to get uncomfortable.
Perhaps it’s the type of Christian I am, or lack of being a real Christian for that matter depending on how you receive the rest of this post, but I cringe at the idea of more of anything when it comes to looking at one’s spiritual life and thinking it’s not good enough where it is. I’ll admit I am an advocate for growth, absolutely without a doubt, though I advocate for a transformational learning approach towards growth, versus a transactional learning approach towards growth. The difference is this (defined in oversimplified terms):

Transactional Learning approach: a process becoming changed primarily by gaining factual knowledge.
Transformational Learning approach: a process of getting beyond gaining factual knowledge alone to instead become changed by what one learns in some meaningful way.

In my experience, when you engage Scripture to extract from it formulas to have more faith, more love, more trust, more healing, more strength, more Jesus, more God, more, more, more…in the least of these it produces more guilt. I would venture to say, that not simply for the least, but for most of us it produces more guilt somewhere down the road. More than likely it’s when we come to the realization that most of us can’t take these formulas and create more of anything. Consequently we’re left with ourselves and our ordinary faith. Then we feel like shit because we couldn’t be like Jesus.

I must confess I do believe we are living in exponential times, and therefore more of some things are needed. I would argue that we need more opportunities to engage in spiritual formation, which come forcefully through transformational learning. Primarily through engaging the kinds of people Jesus did, the least and the last, whatever that looks like in your context. I would challenge us all to go for it, but have no expectations of yourself, of others, or of Jesus. Just enter into community with others and be…then be yourself. Remember, you are loved wherever you are, and then remember you are invited to go a little further. Accepting that invitation will lead you to take one step forward, two steps back, and that’s just fine. Just start walking and remember, transformational learning is a two way street, which is best experienced when it means something to you, not some formula someone gave you.

Sam also blogs at www.geographyofgrace.com.

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