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MIKE - where is my treasure?

Monday, July 19th, 2010

for years, my wife debbie and i had dreamed–and actually taken some steps toward planning–our perfect retirement. five acres of land in black forest, near colorado springs. we had finally settled on the modular log home we wanted. we were hoping on making the move within the year. and then there was the custom van, so we could travel the US, no motor home for us. we planned on sleeping in motels most nights and hopefully take a cruise every few years.

mission trips, living in the same old house, or helping people in need never crossed my mind for more than a moment (and that was when the preacher brought it up on sunday morning). those thoughts were quickly replaced with plans for my new found life after working all those years. as best as i can remember, i never even considered what Gods plans might entail.

as they say: “the best laid plans of mice and men…” in the mist of my planning, deb died. although i tried to keep the dream alive, the passion waned. as time went on it died completely and i could not revive it. i could speculate on what i believe was God’s message to me in the events following her death and the death of my dream, but that will have to wait for another blog.

galatians 6:2 admonishes us to bear one anothers burdens while galatians 6:5 say we must carry our own load. until recently, i never made a connection between these verses and the plan for the rest of my life. a little further down in galatians, paul says:

“do not be misled. no one makes a fool of God. what a person plants, he will harvest. the person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. all he’ll have to show for his life is weeds. but the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life. eternal life. so let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. at the right time we will harvest a good crop if we we don’t give up, or quit. right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.”

years ago i attended a christian financial seminar. the speaker said he could know what was important to a person by looking at the entries in their checkbook. in luke 6:24 dr luke states: “it’s obvious, isn’t it? the place where your treasure is, is the place you most want to be, and end up being.” kinda makes sense, doesn’t it? in my younger days, no matter how broke i was, i managed to buy cigarettes, porn and beer. over the years, those spending habits have been replaced by starbucks, movies and a red, midlife crisis, firebird trans am. and no matter how busy i might have been, i always used to manage to play golf, watch tv, go to strip bars and party with my friends. though the venues have changed, i still manage to make time for the things that are most important to me.

maybe it was debbies’ death. maybe it’s old age. or maybe becoming involved in redemptive community. but over the years there has been a paradigm shift. God’s plan for my life has become a bit more important than my plan for His life. the irony is that i experience more joy in my life now. not necessarily more happiness, but certainly more joy. that “fruit of the spirit” joy that is intertwined, in some strange way, with sorrow and pain.

this past friday a few of us gathered at the grange hall for refuge movie night. we watched the movie “up”– a cute kids movie with plenty of implications and applications for adults. mr.fredrickson and his wife had a dream, but the events of life always (as they do for most of us) got in the way. after she died, he decided to pursue it, by himself. as the movie progresses his goal is derailed by a young boy named russell, who is in need of a real father, and an assortment of weird animals. eventually, mr fredrickson has to decide if he will continue to live for himself or help someone who really needs him. the movie shows, quite vividly, how his dream and his accumulation of “stuff” has weighed him down. as the revelation hits him, he pushes all the material stuff out of his house and his life and help a little boy who needs a daddy. the movie ends with russell and mr fredrickson sitting on a curb, eating ice cream and playing a game russell had played with his dad, before his dad had left his life.

don’t get me wrong, this is not an easy journey. there are many more lessons to learn, along the way. but i find it’s a little easier to lessen the death grip i have on my money and become less preoccupied and self absorbed with my precious time.

was my dream retirement wrong? how ’bout the midlife crisis car? or the starbucks.? the movies? or the……….? i don’t know the answer, but there is something appealing about sitting on the curb eating ice cream with a friend.

Posted in mike, mission, relationships | 3 Comments »

MIKE - enjoying the journey

Monday, March 15th, 2010

when my dad died at the age of 45, my mom spoke these great words of wisdom to me:

“your father and i were always waiting for something. …until we married. …until he was out of school. …until we had kids. …until you kids were grown. our until never came and now he is dead. live now, don’t wait for the untils to start living.”

at age 41 my wife died, and these words came rushing back into my memory. we had waited until………. fill in the blank. now she was gone.

a buddy and i used to make road trips to vegas and california. we got up early in the morning and started driving, as fast as we could go. the gas station was the only respite. gas,food and a potty break and we were on the road again. we were men on a mission. we had a destination, and nothing was going to stop us from reaching our objective. driving thousands of miles we saw nothing. appreciated nothing. it wasn’t the journey we cared about, it was the end result. on these trips we missed so much. the landscape of the land. the joy of each other’s company. the quiet time with God. we missed the present, because we were looking to the future to make us happy.

in his book “the wounded healer”, henri nowen says:

“we keep hoping that one day we will find the man who really understands our experiences, the woman who will bring peace to our restless life, the job where we can fulfill our potential, the book which will explain everything, and the place where we can feel at home. such false hope leads us to exhausting demands and prepares us for bitterness and dangerous hostility when we start discovering that nobody, and nothing, can live up to our absolutistic expectations.”

outside of God we will never reach the destination that our hearts truly desire. so what are we to do? how can we enjoy the journey? what would it look like to live in the here and now and pay no heed to the future? what can we do to make sure we don’t miss what God has in store for us, today?

in the devotion “the meal that makes us family and friends”, henri nouwen states:

“We all need to eat and drink to stay alive. But having a meal is more than eating and drinking. It is celebrating the gifts of life we share. A meal together is one of the most intimate and sacred human events. Around the table we become vulnerable, filling one another’s plates and cups and encouraging one another to eat and drink. Much more happens at a meal than satisfying hunger and quenching thirst. Around the table we become family, friends, community, yes, a body. That is why it is so important to “set” the table. Flowers, candles, colorful napkins all help us to say to one another, ‘This is a very special time for us, let’s enjoy it!’”

as i read these words, i looked back over my week. an amazing week, but really a typical week. i have made it my vocation to live immersed in community. redemptive community. making time for coffee with friends. going on movie dates. being vulnerable. sharing meals together. small groups.  all just vehicles for sharing the landscapes of our hearts. a chance to know and be known. as nouwen says: “the most intimate and sacred human events.”

it would be such a pity to miss these amazing life changing interactions, because my dreams and my heart were in some future destination that may never be attained. my desire this lent is to stay in the present and enjoy and smell all the roses God brings into my journey.

Posted in journey, mike | 1 Comment »

MIKE - and now the other side of the story

Monday, March 8th, 2010

as i was talking with two friends, one commented on an unpleasant meeting she had had with a mutual acquaintance, i’ll call him scott. i was amazed at how much energy and anger i used to try and convince the other friend how evil i thought scott was. that is what has lead to the writing of this blog. i realized, that as far as i think i’ve come, i still have the great propensity to be a huge judgmental asshole.

in the book “a denver book of prayer” cheryl lawrie’s says:

i am fasting this lent (not from chocolate or red wine, let me hasten to add, or muffins from deganis, coffee, or cut flowers of any description).

i am fasting from knowing.

so in a cafe, yesterday she, sitting next to me, exclaimed over the headlines:  “britney shouldn’t be let near those children, should she?

and i (deep breath) said, i won’t ever know enough about britney to know”.

you know - and this is much more embarrassing than interesting - this lent, unexpectedly, i am finding i want to hear britney’s story all of it and i think i might even want to understand. (could this be compassion?)

it’s much harder than i thought it would be, this fasting.

as i watched a documentary called “the garden” at a recent refuge movie night i became almost livid at how poorly some people in the margins were treated by a rich man and a couple politically powerful women. i was so incensed that i got on the internet to get more dirt on these evil people, but was surprised by what i read. there was, actually, another side that the documentary “forgot” to tell. what they said was true, but what they left out spoke volumes. a friend of mine says “a half truth is a whole lie.”

my friend bob was shattered when his fiancee, linda, called off their wedding, because bob raised his voice to her. bob has a history of abuse and anger but has been in recovery for years, learning a better way to do life. in my community we all adore the “new bob”. he is one of the kindest, gentlest man i knew. bob’s whole community rallied beside him, because we knew his heart. linda’s community is looking at this incident a little differently. when they heard that bob had raised his voice to her, they told her to run. he is still abusive. (ironically, the same advice my community would tell a woman, if her fiancee, with abuse issues seemed to be being abusive again.) they just know linda, but not bob’s, amazing heart. is one a victim and the other a villain or are they both just broken people trying to live life in a relationship?? only God knows the real/whole story.

ralph had an affair that ruined his marriage and didn’t want to try and fix it. we love mary, his wife, and speak poorly of ralph. jack had an affair with megan which  causes megan’s and roy’s marriage to crumble. megan did nothing to try and get back together with roy. but, we love jack and so we try to help him and megan make their new relationship work,  while roy’s friends think ralph and megan are evil. on paper these stories seem, quite absurd, but they are in fact real stories with the names changed to protect the innocent.

there are ALWAYS two sides to a story. ALWAYS!! i find myself taking the side, that i am so sure is the the only true side.or at least my friends side. i put little effort into  learning or caring about the other side of the story.

this lent, as cheryl stated in her poem, i am going to try to fast from being judgmental of john, linda, ralph and all those whom i sense are not living up to my expectations and moral codes. and try to see thing from their perspective. after all who made me the judge, jury and executioner?

for years paul harvey ended his broadcast saying: “and now you know the rest of the story.” do we???

Posted in mike | 3 Comments »

MIKE - successful vs. fruitful

Monday, January 25th, 2010


in our western culture we seem to confuse material wealth and success with the abundant life, promised us in john 10:10. when good things happen in our lives, we proclaim how God has blessed us. as long as it is good it has to be of God. but if it’s something hurtful, harmful or opposite of what we want it must come from some where else. after all, james 1:17 says: “whatever is good and perfect come to us from God above….” but what about those things that we don’t perceive as good? could they come from God as well? and could these things actually be the abundant life that we are promised???

henri nouwen writes in a devotional titled “fruits that grow in vulnerability”:

“there is a great difference between successfulness and fruitfulness. success comes from strength, control and respectability. a successful person has the energy to create something, to keep control over it’s development and make it available in large quantities. success brings many rewards and often fame. fruits, however, come from weakness  and vulnerability. and fruits are unique. a child is conceived in vulnerability. community is the fruit born through shared brokenness. and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one an others wounds. let’s remind one another that what brings us joy is not success, but fruitfulness.”

success and riches can, in many ways, make life easier and better, to be sure, but they never guarantee a joyful life. in fact they can become a barrier in our quest to have the life God has for us. j paul getty, who was, before bill gates, the richest man in the world, said two interesting things. when asked how much money was enough he said: “just one dollar more”. he also said: “i would have given all my fortune to have had one of my marriages work”. in contrast, everyone, rich or poor, can experience the joy of fruitfulness. the shared brokenness of community and the intimacy that develops by touching someone’s wounds and having them touch ours is transforming. i know of no greater joy than that of walking through the sorrows of life in the redemptive community of broken people.

if we reads the 10th verse of john we will see that the whole chapter is a comparison between Jesus, the Good Shepherd and us, His sheep, and a  shepherd and his flock. just as the sheep were safe from the wolves if they stayed close to the shepherd and listened to his voice, we, too, will be safe from the powers of darkness, if we stay close and listen to the voice of our Master. i see nowhere in the scripture where we are promised a life of abundance, although some Christ followers may experience this (along with many who do not follow Him). we are, however, promised an abundant life, an eternal life, as we follow Him.
i want my life to be fruitful, not successful.

and just as the jews missed the coming of their Savior, because He didn’t come to earth the way they had expected Him too, i hope will not miss the abundant life we have been promised because it doesn’t look or feel the way we thought it would.

Posted in community, mike | 2 Comments »

MIKE - where’s the doctor?

Monday, October 12th, 2009

this past saturday at the refuge we talked about how faith and doubt can exist in the same situation. it’s a little like the optical illusion images that most of us have seen, the one where you either see a vase or the profile of two people looking at each other. it just depends how we look at the picture/situation. we tend to vacillate back and forth, but we never seem to be able to focus on one or the other for a long period of time.

my brother worked in a hospital when he was in high school. as a janitor, he cleaned the bloody mess after the operations. my dad also told of his experience in world war II. because he signed a form saying he wanted to major in medicine when he went to college, this 18 year old, wet behind the ears, small town boy, was made a medic. he didn’t have a rifle to defend himself with. just a cross on his back which, according to the geneva convention, meant he was off limits to shoot. he thought it sometimes seemed like a target for the enemy to shot at. training was minimal. the best thing a medic had were the packs of morphine to stop the patients’ pain. dad often mused that he didn’t know how many men he helped or how many he killed with the morphine,  he did the best he could.

recently, a safe haven for me has felt like a battlefield. many good people are suffering such traumatic experiences that i had been feeling bad that i seemed to be the only one left standing. that all shifted in late september when i and hundreds of good people were informed that we would probably have no jobs in 2 months. not feeling sorry for myself was pretty easy. i’m in pretty good shape despite my lack of using sound financial processes most of my life. but it will impact my time and my ability to live as i’m accustomed.  the day after receiving this news, i awakened to a text from a friend that i hoped would never come, but i knew in my heart was fairly certain was unavoidable. it simply said: she did commit suicide. my friend and i, both bleeding now, sat crying at starbucks. the tears fell all day until there were no more. my heart breaks for precious friends.

oh, if i could help them. but i’m like my little brother. not a nurse. not a doctor. just a janitor, cleaning up the blood. like my dad giving morphine to stop the pain. waiting for a doctor to come.

that same week i went to a house of refuge hoping to get some love (tourniquets is what i call it for it stops the bleeding) and hope (that would be the morphine that stops the pain.)  the pharmacist there handed out tourniquets and morphine to each of us. i picked up a little more from my friends and left. driving home it  dawned on me that she didn’t get either. i knew i needed to share my hope/morphine with her the next time i saw her.

i took some before i went to bed and things seemed better. when i awoke, as is my habit i checked my e-mail. when i saw a certain name i knew something was wrong. as i opened it up, blood gushed from my computer. the pain poured out of massive wounds. i look around, and the morphine was gone. i’d used some last night, but not all of it. the enemy had taken it while i slept, and there was none to give her.

driving to work that day i knew i needed some God. i was fresh out. as i walked from my car, into the store where i worked,  i was amazed how,  in one day, a place could go from a grocery store to a mortuary. a place of death of dreams. more people bleeding.

i have to leave. i need healing. my friends need healing.  now, i sit in the emergency room. i’m feeling tired and overwhelmed.  but i keep putting dirty tourniquets on and try to tighten others while i look for more morphine. i hear a voice that sounds faintly like mine. it says. “if the Great Physician in in the hospital, would He please come to the emergency room.” i really hope He’s on His way, but sometimes i’m beginning to doubt it.

but then i get these little glimpses that maybe the Doctor really is on His way.  i remember seeing the notes posted on the bulletin board, thanking Him for the care He gave. and then i see a recovery room that is full of healing patients, ready to be discharged.  and i hear the charge nurse say; “He has come here every day since this hospital was built. He just doesn’t seem to be on the same schedule as the rest of us.”

i am betting the Doctor will show up.  He somehow always seems to in the end.  at least that is what i believe right now.

Posted in community, healing, hope, mike | 1 Comment »

MIKE - choices

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009

in the early 70’s i worked in a very well to do neighborhood. the area around orchard and university boasted houses that, today, would sell for millions of dollars. many ceo’s, business owners and even a few denver broncos  resided there and could well afford the lavish lifestyle. but there was another group of people who call this neighborhood home, though they live in the somewhat cheaper homes (the $500,000 ones). they could barely afford the house, but nothing else. no drapes and some rooms had no furniture, at all. to me, this seemed sorta stupid. why not buy a cheaper house that could be easily furnished and enjoyed?

but i’ve begun to realize, that before i cast judgment on others, i need to examine how i do things, too.

can you see yourself in the following scenario? heading home from the airport after a fantastic vacation or cruise, in a fancy car that has all the bells and whistles and an engine bigger that you will ever need. playing your state of the art sound system, for the world to hear, as you go turn into the drive thru of your favorite starbucks and order your favorite shot of liquid caffeine you stop at the mail box and pick up a handful of bills and a pile of magazines. when you step into your humble abode you turn on the computer to check your e-mail or facebook. after checking the answering machine, on your land line, for messages you might not have received on your cell phone you proceed to the fridge, you grab a beer or diet pepsi and a bag of chips or bowl of ice cream. plopping down in front of your high def plasma tv, you grab the remote and begin surfing though all the channels that are available with your cable package, while you light up a cigarette or a joint. after finding nothing to watch you click on the pay per view menu and watch some championship boxing or maybe an x rated movie.

but your mind wonders, as you look at the pile of bills and wonder why you don’t have money for food, rent or that prescription drug, you so badly need.  bemoaning the fact that God, the rich man, the system or just plain luck has, somehow, screwed you over. if you just had more money, you think, life would be fine.

if you can see yourself in some or all of this scenarios you may want to stop reading right now. because this blog will probably annoy you or even piss you off. my hope is that it might convict you to the foolishness of your thinking. you see, except for the hd tv and the cable tv (2 things i’m not personally into), i have lived my life in all of these situation, at on time or another.

life is about choices. we are all slaves to our choices. and each choice comes with a result that is called a consequence. good choices produce good results while poor ones have bad consequences. some very harsh ones. i’ve always found a way to fund my addictions, but not always enough to pay my bills. anyone who has ever been in any sort of recovery program has heard: “doing the same thing over and over the same way and expecting a different result is insane” money is finite. each of us has a certain amount. some more. some less. but the fact remains that each of us have a certain amount of money to live on. if the money coming in is $100 and the amount going out is $101, we are going to have a problem. it’s called debt.

a few weeks ago karl tackled the topic of money, in church. kudos to you karl, for having the guts to take on this hard subject. it’s goal was not to guilt or shame people into giving 10% to the local church, using malachi as a spring board. this series was to help us realize that money can be a tool that we can use to help others as God is calling us to be generous. no pledge card. no giving envelopes. just between us and God. at the refuge we are ready to help with food or gas cards or other tangible gifts when folks find themselves in unusual positions of need. but we are trying to talk a proactive role in helping friends find permanent solutions to ongoing financial problems. there is an a old saying that goes like this: “give a man a fish and he eats for a day. teach him to fish and her eats foever”. the way we learn to fish is to make a budget. a budget, is simply a plan for spending less than what we make. karl is always available to help anyone that is interested in using this tool. in the example above i, like many other, believe that i need things that are really only wants.

i have a grandson who will say i need some candy. i need that toy. i need that game. he has confused what he wants with what he needs. brody is only four years old, but he thinks like many of us still think. the bible say we need food and clothes. i’m pretty sure we can all afford that. in 1 timothy 6:8 paul says: “so if we have enough food and clotheing, let us be content”. God doesn’t say we need a place to live (Jesus didn’t have one), by i’ll be more benevelont than God and allow that we need a place to stay. but we don’t need to go on vacation, drive any car(fancy or not). drink a fancy starbucks drink or any coffee, for that matter. the internet, tv (cable or not, hd or not), cell phones and pay perview are all wants. likewise, we don’t need soda, beer, chips, cigarettes, joints, porn etc to live.

40 years ago, i was going on a vacation, with a friend. we were out of college and wanted to go to  the west coast. we had been there before, but had always driven. this time we wanted to fly. the problem was that we would need a car, while we were there. we had the money for the plane ticket, the car and the vacation. the was one problem, though. in order to get a rental car we needed a credit card. neither of us had or wanted one. i chose to get one and pay it off as soon as the bill came it. that was 40 years ago and that card has never had a zero balance. it still doesn’t. i shudder to think how many thousands of dollars of interest i’ve paid to my visa company. i know it’s enough to buy the new car i’d like to get.the one with the bells and whistles. credit card=bad choice. i bought a house 34 years ago, so you would think it was paid off by now. well, it was once, but then came the choice to borrow a little against it. a few weeks ago , i tried to borrow $2000 money to carpet my home. i didn’t qualify. not because i didn’t have enough net worth,  but because sometimes i don’t pay my bills on time and because i have made the mistake of co-signing for family and friends and now my credit sucks. poor choices. recently i sat down with karl and can up with a plan to get my finances in order. it involves the dreaded budget, but for the first time in many, many years i feel i have the ability to get my expenses to be less that my income. and this gives me peace. but it will be all about making the right CHOICES. lol.

Posted in mike, spiritual formation | 2 Comments »

MIKE - preparing the way

Monday, December 8th, 2008

love wins sign on tree

“i’m gabriel. i stand in the presence of God, and i have been sent to speak to you and tell you this good news”. (luke 1:19)

good news you say, to who?   sure,  2000 years later it’s good news to you and me, but we have the benefit of hindsight. but i’m thinking mary and joseph could have done just fine without this good news. at least in the moment.  the gospel is, of course, messy. why would life then be different than today? God does his best work in messy. He always has. it takes messy to get our attention.

parents arrange marriage. boy and girl excited. betrothal announced. celebration! wedding plans begin. someone else’s baby????

mary, bless her heart, is thrilled. she might have been naive. she was probably only 14 or 15 years old. but old joe was older, wiser and more cynical. he’s not buying this story and is ready to bail. joe’s going to flee. there are just 2 culturally acceptable options for this man of God:  expose mary to public disgrace or dismiss her quietly. but then came the dream.the angel showed him a new way. a third way. marry mary. this third way involves overcoming fear as well as considering unconventional options. there is nothing easy about this third way. if there was, the angel wouldn’t have had to reveal it. after all, there is no record in the bible where we are taught about the fight or flight method, which has become a way of life for us. this new way will come neither through our human power (fight) nor through watching the natural process unfold (flight). it will be altogether unexpected (as the pregnancy was to mary), often hidden, but revealed in “the fullness of time” (His time).

how it will be revealed to us is a mystery. God can still talk to us audibly, through angels, in dreams or in that still small voice, we hear if we take some time to be quiet and listen. make no mistake, that when it is lived out, God is in it. of course, that requires faith. mary had faith. joseph had faith. because of their faith, we have salvation. just know it will never be easy. faith isn’t easy. but as we start trying this new way and see  the results it becomes easier to step out the next time. what do we have to lose? the fight or flight hasn’t been working all that well for us. it might be time to consider a new way, the third way, Gods way.

“supplication, worship, prayer are no superstition; they are acts more real than acts of eating, drinking etc. it will be no exageration to say that they are alone real; all else is unreal.”– gandhi

“blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” –Jesus

Posted in advent, mike | No Comments »

MIKE: living (and loving incarnately)

Tuesday, February 5th, 2008

“the word became flesh and moved into the neighborhood…” john 1:14, the message

last week at the refuge we talked about the spiritual discipline of incarnational relationships. “in the flesh”…”the state of meat.” real flesh on flesh. life on life. it really got me thinking…

christians try to convert the atheists, parents try to convert their kids to positive ways of behavior that will make their lives much easier and fulfilling. and addicts (alcohol, drug, sex, food, control, work, codependency, money, untruthfulness….you name it) drive present addicts up the wall with their incessant preaching. let’s face it, we all have an agenda.

i’m a recovery snob. having been involved for almost 6 years in various recovery/healing groups, i see the immense benefit of working on our stuff through a 12 step program. i believe, to the point of sometimes cramming my agenda down your throat. i mean, hey, i have wisdom that i think should be imparted to you! the truth is my goal is, quite often, very noble and helpful. it is good to accept Jesus and be a Christ follower. it’s good for a child to learn to integrate into the world around him/her. it’s also good for the addict to come to grips with their brokenness and begin to heal. but i’m definitely beginning to rethink my role and my methods in this process.

a half a year ago, i was talking to one of my mentors about someone i’d known for a few years. this young lady was, in my prideful opinion, in need of my wisdom on her recovery. (a need she had never shared that she needed or desired, but i have been practicing mind reading for decades). so i decided i was going to make her a “project” of mine. (as i type these words, i break out in a cold sweat thinking i could be so full of myself and so utterly arrogant. i’m pleased to say i have asked her forgiveness, on more than one occasion, and she has responded to me with nothing but grace).

but God worked in His mysterious way, to show me what i believe to be a better way. while having the conversation with my mentor, i received a call from my friend asking me to hang out with her on that saturday. wow, i thought, this must be God’s validation that i was on the right path to fix her life. (remember the mind reading thing.) God, as usual, was on a slightly different page.

that friday night i attended a discussion with jim henderson (the founder of “off the map“) and matt casper (the friendly atheist). a christian and an atheist who were not trying to convert each other, but just be friends, love each other and discuss their beliefs. during a q&a session, a caring but misguided young pastor was arrogant enough to think he had just the right magic words to convert casper. in a gentle rebuttal, casper made a very good point. he said christians seem to know just what he needs and they are going to give it to him, even if he doesn’t want it. he went on to say that this would never work and could drive a wedge into a relationship. then he made a remark that i hope will forever change how i do relationships. he said: “if i am to be converted it will be by the power of, who you call, the Holy Spirit.”

this seemed so profound. i remember Jesus saying the Holy Spirit would draw us to God. and i remember Him saying the greatest commandment was to love God and each other. so, just maybe, it is the Holy Spirit’s job to move people’s hearts and lives and my job is to love them. encourage them. and guide them (only if they ask) on their journey. and then just see what God does.

casper’s words stirred something up in me, but by saturday morning my own sense of self had kicked back in and i was busy at work formulating a strategy. a way to manipulate my friend so i could drag her on the journey that had worked so well for me. (although, if my journey was as successful as i sometimes like to think, i would not be so controlling and manipulative, would i?). as i was driving to meet her for lunch, i had a Damascus experience. in a voice that was barely less than audible, God said to me:”weren’t you paying attention, last night, when matt explained that pushing on people isn’t the answer. just love her. be her friend. the Holy Spirit will do the rest”. so i prayed and asked God to guide my interactions with her.

that day was hard for me. so many times i had to fight the urge to “fix” my friend. we accomplished the task we needed to do in a few hours, but spent 7 hours just hanging and talking. i have a hard time with surface conversation—i love to go deep–so i had to resist pushing or prodding her to go in the direction i thought she needed to go. as we headed to the parking lot to go our separate ways, she paused before getting into her car. she started to share. really share from her heart. this wonderful sharing lasted over an hour and a half. while she shared a beautiful transformation occurr ed. in the twilight, i saw her face change, right before my eyes. it was like a veil had been lifted. the masks started to come off. both mine and hers. we had taken that next step on our journey toward healing. we were no longer people who knew each other. not just a fixer and a project. not just, even, friends. but special soul-mates on the same journey. an amazing thing has since happened. not only have i been able to speak truth and healing into her life, but she has been able to do the same for me. we have become safe for each other. one not always leading, one not always following, but walking side by side with each other. living incarnately…

over a year ago i experienced this same joy with my daughter. as we struggled with our relationship, i remember her saying: “i don’t need you to be my dad, i need you to be my friend”. puzzled by this remark i talked with a counselor i know. she said she already knows what you expect from her. you’ve been telling her for 26 years. she is struggling to be what she should be. she just wants and needs you to love her and be there for her. when i told my daughter this she said that was exactly what she desired from me. i told her i would do my best and a few months later God showed up, again. she was able to share the very hard things in her life that she had never been able to share because i was now safe for her. and again the healing has gone both ways. we have never been closer.

i believe that really a wise friend said: “if we love people, the way God loves them, they are able to let down the wall between us. and when they do we will see the beautiful person that God has always seen. the person that, sadly, most people will never see. because it takes too much time and is way too hard and messy, but oh oh so worth it”.

spiritual meat is not a bible study, words that when said will magically transform people. no, i am coming to grips with the reality that spiritual meat is life on life, in the trenches with each other, not one up, one down, but heart to heart, life to life, soul to soul. with each other, not for or to each other. that’s living & loving incarnately.

Posted in community, mike, spiritual formation | 2 Comments »

MIKE: week two of advent: why are the shepherds in the nativity scene?

Monday, December 10th, 2007


when i was 12 years old i asked my grampa to help me built a nativity set. we set about collecting some old tree branches and some scraps of wood and started our project. i have set this scene up almost every year since. i went to woolworth’s and picked out the figures i would need. of course, i started with Jesus, mary and joseph. then i needed three kings, a camel and a donkey. and lastly i needed some shepherds. i had to have three, because it balanced out the 3 kings on the other side. i never knew why i needed shepherds. the kings brought gifts and Jesus, mary, and joseph surely needed to be there. but why shepherds? what was the reason for them? they didn’t do anything. or did they?

in the day of old, the shepherds were close to, if not at, the bottom of the social status, but they were the first to hear of the unique birth of Christ. these humble men who were faithful at their regular jobs–not the religious leaders or scholars–were the first humans to hear the good news. i believe there is a world of meaning in the fact that very ordinary people busy with very ordinary tasks were who God chose to first show his plan of redemption. it means that where God places us, no matter how humble or broken, is the place of our vision, the place where we will bloom. secondly, the ones whose lives are not cluttered with all the materials of life are most readily open to the mysteries of God and take the risk to step out in faith, because they have nothing to lose.

so, you might ask, what big risk did these guys take? . they overcame their fear. let’s face it, an angel coming out of nowhere or thousands of them singing praise to God would have scared the crap out of me. and what about going to tell others about a baby born in a stable who would be the son of God. there was the fear others would consider them crazy. but they went. they were somehow compelled to go. and God’s plan of redemption had another unveiling.

that’s a nice story, but does it have any application for us or was dr. luke trying to fill pages in a letter? we, like the shepherd have a story. that is all we really have to share with anyone. and ours, like theirs, comes from the messiness and brokenness of our lives. but like them we need to overcome our fear. for most of us, one of our biggest fears is the fear of being vulnerable. there is a lot of safety in keeping the brokenness and messiness of our lives to ourselves. we can take that story, share it and further the kingdom, like the shepherds did, or stay in our own pity party and let the suffering we’ve had go to waste.

this week God brought me in contact with two precious ladies who are in the midst of some major chapters in the story of their lives. one faced a life changing surgery in order to save her life from cancer. as i visited with her before surgery she shared the story of a neighbor, whose was very hard to connect with. the neighbor is old and needs help with a husband who has alzheimers. my friend recently found out this neighbor had the same surgery she was facing. my friend remarked: “God has now given me entry into my neighbor’s life, because we have both faced this same surgery. isn’t He good?”. the other lady is much younger and battling drugs and alcohol. though she still has a way to go in her fight for sobriety, she is looking forward to the day her struggles brings glory to God and healing to others. as i talked with her about her future she said something that so impressed me. she said if i never do anything with the story God has given to me it is just a story with no benefit. if i can beat this i want to be able to share with other teens so my story can make a difference in their lives. otherwise, she said it won’t count for anything.

i know many face a life that is just brutal. many times it seems hopeless. whether it be a broken relationship, no relationship, lack of money or a job, an addiction, a physical or mental condition, abuse, discrimination or anything that keeps us marginalized, God can use it to take his good news to a hurting world. this christmas season i would gently encourage all of us to take that step of faith that the shepherds did, to respond instead of be paralyzed with fear and see the glory of the Lord revealed.

Posted in advent, community, mike | 2 Comments »

MIKE - prince charming & beauty

Monday, July 23rd, 2007


a while ago at the changes that heal house of refuge we discussed the metaphor of the 6 million dollar man and the tin man. one is the ideal that we all aspire to be while the other is dented, rusty and looking for his heart, his real self. we asked the questions: who do we want to be? who are we? which is more real and lovable?

recently i saw shrek 3. a cute flick about two ogres (shrek and fiona) and their battle to save “the land of happily ever after” from prince charming, sleeping beauty, cinderella and all our other fairy tale favorites. fiona is pregnant and shrek is wishing he could be more lovable and bemoaning the fact that he will be a poor father because, as an ogre, he will surely frighten his own kids. duh!! aren’t his kids going to be ogres, too? i’m thinking it would be a lot harder for them to relate to him if he were prince charming.

but i shouldn’t be too hard on old shrek, because i tend to think the same kind of goofy thoughts. i am amazed at how we set up ourselves and our kids to fail by buying into the whole fairy tale scene. the prince is always rich, handsome, well built and of course charming. the heroine is beautiful, pure, sweet, shapely, and helpless (wow is this sexist or what?). he rescues her and they live happily ever after. the villain is a mean stepmother, an ugly stepsister, a wicked witch, a troll, a giant or an ogre. notice how the hero has all pleasant traits while the villains get stuck with all the negative ones? using this standard, from the day we are born, immediately 95% of us are set up to fail. there are few charmings and beauties in the general population. life experience and negative reinforcement from family and peers leads us to internalize the fact that we aren’t good enough. we become the ogres. then, the chosen few come to believe that they have to live up to the persona that goes with their physical stature, wealth and good looks. it’s a lot of pressure, I’m guessing, a lot harder than we all realize and pretty much a lose-lose situation for all concerned.

i used to think that beauty and charming were lucky, but i am realizing they can never know if they are loved for their hearts (the real them) or just their drop dead gorgeous looks, sexy buff bodies, exotic sports cars or the magnificent castle. if we are the unfortunate that are labeled unworthy (ugly, fat, skinny, short, tall, weak, disabled, stupid, poor, not good enough, don’t have our act together…the list goes on and on) we will live our entire lives feeling “one down” always aspiring to be like the lucky one.

i have spent a lifetime trying (and i might add quite unsuccessfully) to live up to the prince charming ideal. and with my less than impressive credentials (no athletic prowess or buff physique, limited bank account and less than drop dead good looks) i have strived to win my beauty. in order to even the odds that God, society and my own poor choices have seemingly stacked against me, i put on the mask, that charming mask, and try to pretend i am better than i am. i can keep up the charade for awhile, but it is so hard to be comfortable, to be real, to live with that freaking mask in place. and trying to be “a player” seems so dishonest and gross. but without my mask the ogre in me will surely scare you away.

so here is the dilemma: be fake and have the illusion of happiness, always fearing you will find me out at any time or be real and risk rejection. hmmmm. for fifty odd years (and many have been very odd) this choice seemed like a no-brainer. but the older i get it just seems to take way too much energy to play this stupid game. after living the last few years in true community i’m convinced that beauty is not really worth fighting for. oh yes, she is alluring, lots of fun, and beautiful to look at. a trophy to impress my friends with, but just like me, with my mask on, she is not real either. not really worth pursuing. i’ve found it’s the heart that counts. mine and hers. being honest about our brokenness. embracing our messiness. living in the truth of who we are. who God thinks we are.

while prince charming and beauty pursue each other and search for “the land of happily ever after” i’m going to try to embrace my shrekness and keep an eye open for fiona as i live in real community.

Posted in community, healing, mike | 2 Comments »

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