Archive for the ‘houses of refuge’ Category

STACY - Identifying with Humpty Dumpty

Monday, June 14th, 2010

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All of the King’s horses and all of the King’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

In our Summer House of Refuge, we are re-visiting the Twelve Steps together, and we are in the process of working through them individually and collectively. Hang around us refugees long enough, and you will most likely hear various stories about how influential the practice of doing the work of the steps has been.

* * * * *

When I was in graduate school, one of my core classes was called Addictive Disorders. As a course requirement, we were to attend a 12 step meeting, and write about our experience. My friend Laura and I faithfully went to our AA meeting (which met in the same strip mall as a bar ? How hard would that be?!). While it was never overtly stated, you better believe that we wanted to make sure to the rest of the group knew we were just visitors. Addiction? Noooo. Trouble? Bah. Ignorance about what it means to live out the hard truth of Step One? Um, for sure.

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.

We defined in our Summer House of Refuge that “addictions” could also be deemed as unhealthy coping mechanisms. That language actually helps me connect deeper with this whole 12 step process, in a more personal way. While the struggle with alcohol and drugs are not a part of my story, I definitely have my fair share of unhealthy coping mechanisms to add to the table. Since unrealistic personal standards, as well as unhealthy perfectionism are a part of my battle, it is really important for me to see how that relates to my role in community.

The nursery rhyme that tells the brief story of Humpty Dumpty makes me think in a lot of ways, about Step One. Minutes prior to the critical fall, Humpty appeared to have some things going for him. At the top of a high place, happily minding his own business, and, well…. whole. Not much control in the process at this point, and like us, not too happy when things become unraveled. My guess would be that the descent for Humpty was super traumatic, especially since all of his community couldn’t do the work to piece him back together. The work of the 12 steps needs to also  be done individually, yet we can be truly supported by our fellow sojourners. However, we have much more hope, and thankfully, there are 11 more steps.

Like Humpty, the falling, or admitting we are not together, may very well be the beginning of a new, and uniquely beautiful story.

Posted in healing, houses of refuge, journey, relationships, stacy | 3 Comments »

KEVIN - the counselor

Monday, March 30th, 2009

holy spirit stained glassIf you are like me at some point you may have wondered what it was like to be in that upper room with Jesus and his disciples.

When I was living in India I would love to contemplate these things when sitting in a room in the city during a power outage, no fan - just the infrequent breeze cooling my sweat, the room illuminated by candle lights. A myriad of noises coming from outside as folks went about their business. The different smells wafting in from street vendors, mingled with other smells that were not quite so savory. Or I would be in a mud hut in the jungle, contemplating the upper room with the shadows flittering around as the flame of a lamp moved with the breeze. Noises filtering in that I could not recognize that gave me a little uneasy feeling and fanned the flame of fear within me.

I think the upper room must have been a place of differing and complex emotions. In the darkness, noises can bring fear, uncertainty and the unknown. With the folks in the upper room that must have been heightened as they knew the establishment of the day did not want them around and was trying to silence Jesus. The possibility of guards crashing through the door, just like many people around the world today who still occupy similar rooms knowing that the authorities want to get them and silence them.

The people with Jesus in that room must have been very thoughtful. One of those thoughts would have been the hope or expectation that Jesus was possibly going to announce his kingship and raise a call to arms for his followers and the people of the city to seize control of the government. The hope of bringing in a new Kingdom.

I think this upper room was charged with atmosphere. The pictures that I am often shown are of a nice quaint controlled scenario. But where there is emotion there is uncertainty, people on the edge of their seats, unsettled, tense, not too sure what will happen next. Jesus had already told them that someone in their midst was a traitor. What a charged environment!

However, at this point Jesus says I am going away!!!! What a let down that must have been. Talk about sowing confusion and fear. Come on this is supposed to be his time. Then he says that he’s not going to leave them as orphans but will give them a counselor! I think I would have rather had Jesus.

In our little community we were recently looking at this space in time and at the way Jesus comforted and encouraged his people in this depressed period of their lives. He tells them he will give them a counselor, one who will lead them into all truth. If I was them that would not seem to be a good swap. Jesus was supposed to be the truth - why have something else when you can have the real thing? I wonder how encouraged and supported they would have felt.

As people we often desire for that charismatic figure to do the work for us or to physically lead us while we appear in the background. I don’t believe God is into that. Rather I think he wants us to journey on a pathway of personal, emotional and spiritual growth. To be able to personally make use of that blessing and to be a blessing to the community we are part of. To be like Christ rather than have Christ and or others do it all for us.

I think that by giving us the counselor who leads us into all truth God helps us to grow as people. Listening to the counselor helps develop depth in our lives, that depth or as God calls it fruit; is love, joy, peace, patience, faithfulness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness & self control. Against these sorts of things there is no law.

This counselor doesn’t come in the nice comfortable times of our lives but is there for the untidy, painful times, the times when we screw up. Counselors are to help us follow a path through the challenges, pains and difficulties of life and help us understand or develop through them not so we stay comfortable and safe. God’s dream is not the American, European or any earthly community’s dream. It is a reality of community, justice & love. The counselor asked for by Jesus is one that gives us the intimate words of Jesus and the Father and helps us live in that intimate relationship.

Our little Refuge community has many places that it gathers and one gathering takes place on Monday night. Recently this community spent the night simply praying a blessing for each other. We gathered in a circle, some sitting and others standing by them. Those standing gently placed hands on their shoulders, and after a while we changed places. We sought the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to help us encourage and empower each other. There were different emotions and uncertainties around the circle. People were in different places in their journey. However, at the end of the time it was amazing how words shared by friends under the guiding influence of the counselor had built us up in who we are and in the hope of who we can become.

After we did this we read a short statement that the group had developed and that emphasized our commitment to each other. This statement was put together one night by thirteen different people. Normally it is difficult to get two people to agree one statement. However, on this occasion each person shared a short phrase or sentence and they were collated just as they were. The result continually surprises us. On this night as we read it the words placed another layer of grace and love over our time as we sensed an even deeper encouragement from the counselor, and the words reiterated the whole process we had just undertaken.

Our statement goes as follows.

We come here to be the beloved community, to grow deeper and more centered in Christ as we explore life-forming practices.

We seek to change our image of the Father so that we may view God as Jesus did, as daddy. For Jesus said “… I will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them….”

We desire to be joined to Jesus’ heart. That we may fear God and know what that fear is, comprehend it and acknowledge it. That we may proceed forward in faith and hope, with new hearts similar to that of King David’s.

Knowing God in a deeper and fuller way, trusting God, hearing God & seeing Jesus in others around us. For Jesus said “….. Whatever you have done for a brother, however humble, you have done for me…”

We encourage each other to tell our truth to God as we may remember it and allow that to be a place of safety and honesty. God will meet us there and enable us to grow into and live out the fullness of Christ.

We commit to supporting one another’s faith journey, lifting each other up in prayer, tonight and through the week, listening intently without judgment and being generous with love, kindness and an open heart.

In the highly charged emotional upper room of my mind the Holy Spirit comes to bring counsel, intimate love and truth. May it be so for you as well.

Posted in God's love, body of Christ, houses of refuge, identity | No Comments »

DOUG – Log-Blinded Eyes & Thorny Wounds

Monday, September 15th, 2008

band-aid cross

Wednesday’s House of Refuge is one big mess; and in this we have been blessed mightily. I have been in many small groups: all men, accountability, bible study, Celebrate Recovery, leadership, mixed, etc., etc., and from these experiences I think something special is happening. I have shared that I’m going through a messy divorce. I’m in therapy and learning new things about my personal mess. I know I have a “thorn in my side” and a “log in my eye”. This is why I feel that the big fat Wednesday mess is exciting.

I feel that I don’t know everybody who comes, though I try. I feel that some of the people have been “unsafe”. I don’t agree with everybody all the time. And all of this is just as it should be! The “safe” small group is safe when we know everybody, have rejected the opposite sex, and have agreed on a specific type of communication. In my years of experience these safe small groups all have a singular metamessage; that we all agree to support each other in doing the same things and thinking the same thoughts over and over again expecting different results. Now we feel safe.

That must be what Jesus told us to do. He must have never let women near him, being a man. He must have never been with big crowds of strangers, strangers aren’t safe, heck somebody might try to break through the roof. And most certainly He never talked to unsafe people like Pharisees.

The last few weeks it has been a struggle to drive to Arvada on Wednesday yet every-time it has been a blessing. It is not easy to bring my log blinded eye and thorny wounds and plop them down in the scary Wednesday mess. But each time I do I have been blessed by all the unsafe people, wrong ideas, and women as well as my “safe” friends. Every week I have received the joy of leaving a little happier and a little more at peace than when I arrived.

Posted in Doug, community, healing, houses of refuge | 2 Comments »

what’s next?? prayer beads!

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008

at our sunday gatherings we are focusing on the spiritual disciplines, meaningful ways to connect with God that might feel a little odd, foreign, maybe even wacky. Because of some people’s religious histories, some babies get thrown out with the bathwater. good practices got warped so now there’s a little fear of venturing into certain territories. what we are trying to create is an exposure to some new ideas and give folks a chance to give some new (or old) spiritual practices a try.

during our conversation on the spiritual practice of prayer, the idea of mindfulness—turning our hearts toward God in intentional ways—was tossed around. what came into the conversation was the use of prayer beads to guide prayer. we know in some circles, such a thought is a little taboo. our thought is that things that turn our hearts toward Jesus are worth looking into. our friend sage had created some prayer beads that were helping him with mindfulness toward God. we were intrigued. so what cropped out of that was a house of refuge beading party where people could create prayer beads that were uniquely theirs. no “here’s what you need to pray”—just a venue to get creative on what people might want to focus on intentionally for a while. the finished products were amazing!

so here’s a little backstory from sage, a little history, a little practical example of how his beads work for him & also some pictures of the refuge creations. we will have a bead table & supplies at our sunday february 24th dinner & gathering for those that want to have a chance to create their own.

SAGE: I pray with beads.

I grew up Protestant, spent 20 years away from the church, and have been following Jesus actively for about 3 years now. I love the way folks in the evangelical church pray for and with each other. On my own though, I didn’t.

To help encourage myself in prayer, I peeked over the fence at the practice of using beads to structure prayer. Others do this too- beyond our Catholic bretheren and the less well known practices of Orthodox and some Anglican traditions.

So I made a string of beads (a circle was too much for me), put a cross on one end, and to remind me of rabbi Jesus’ tassels, I put one of those on the other end.

A while after I made it, I was looking into the history of praying with beads. The old english word for prayer was ‘bid’. The word bead came from the word ‘bid’. Very early Christians fled into the deserts of Egypt to escape Roman persecution. Some had 150 pieces of gravel in a little bag. They’d pull out the handful and remember all 150 psalms as they walked around keeping the faith alive. As it turns out, the very early form of prayer beads (which evolved from that), and pre-dates the rosary, was called the “pater nostrum”–or “our father” beads. It was a string of beads with a cross on one end and a tassel on the other. I had absolutely no idea that what I had created was the same as these early beads. Sometimes you get lucky.

Here’s what mine look like:

When making my prayer beads, I chose what fits based on the Bible, creeds, plus spontaeous and “family” prayer. I structured mine this way-

•On the cross I say the Lord’s Prayer.
•The next one is red, and I use it for the opening prayer (invocation)
“Lord, open thou my lips, and my mouth will bring forth thy praise”
• After the red bead, I spelled out ‘refuge’ (the name of our little faith community) friendship bracelet style out of block letters, with blue-green round beads in between.
• So (to keep from babbling, and knowing that thanksgiving is good and I’m lazy) I say a unique and spontaneous prayer of thanksgiving on each blue bead. then
• On each letter bead I say the greatest commandment, also known as the “Jesus Creed”
“I love the Lord with all of my heart, my soul, my strength, and my mind, and I love my neighbor as myself”.
• I alternate between thanks-givings and the Jesus creed ‘till I get to the BIG red bead, where I stop and remember all who are in need around me. I stay on this one as long as I can, trying to remember well. (intercession)
• The next one is gold. I don’t pray with that one. sometimes a bead is just a bead.
• The last one is like the first, and it is for my closing prayer. I sing the doxology (“praise God from whom all blessings flow…”).

and I’m done.

As friends, we got together the other day and made more prayer beads. Each one was a beautiful and unique expression of a prayer life.

In the end, the beads haven’t done a darn thing for me.
The prayers, however, have.

here are some refuge creations. the pictures don’t do them justice. we wish we could share what each one meant but just use your imagination. they are truly beautiful prayers:







Posted in houses of refuge, spiritual formation | 2 Comments »

KARL - Relational Algebra

Tuesday, February 13th, 2007

I am math illiterate. It is really with quite a bit of shame I admit it. I can do arithmetic and nothing else. To this day, I do not understand why, when in an obvious math situation, an “x” or “y” can suddenly appear? The reverse is not permissible, and I can not when grasping for the proper word get frustrated and slap a 7 in its’ place, can I?

What I remember about my math journey in school was that the other kids got it. Each class the teacher would add just a bit to the previous day’s knowledge, each student nodding their understanding. I would look alert, straining to recognize something, but it was always the same thing: as soon as the alphabet showed up I was lost. I tried, I spent time with the teacher after school, and in his presence I seemed to finally understand, but as soon as I was alone in my room, numbers and letters were mortal enemies.

I had a flash back last Friday night. I attended what we call at our faith community a House of Refuge, and this was the first night of a 3 month series on healthy relationships. I am not new to this sort of thing, I know how this is going to go, and pretty soon I will be completely lost. After 46 years is it time to admit I can not do math or healthy relationships?

I know that pretty soon the algebraic concepts of relationships will emerge, ideas such as saying what you need, expressing anger in healthy ways, boundaries and co-dependence. And I will be completely lost. I see my friends, and they seem to get it, somehow this makes sense to them. I can not grasp it. I do other things well, just as in school I appeared to be a bright student. I loaded my schedule with history and language arts, I compensated. I am good at getting people to like me, think I am smart about God and life, I have loaded my schedule with helping people. But actually being a friend? An intimate partner for my wife?

That looks like x=yx %z +\+=

An A in this class is impossible, out of reach at this stage. I am without too many of the basic concepts. But I can learn, can’t I? I am sure to fail tests and be at a complete and utter loss over and over again, but I guess this time I am leaving a little hope that maybe, just maybe, the lights might come on and something might just begin to make sense this time. A D is better than an F, right?

Posted in community, healing, houses of refuge, karl | 5 Comments »