Some time, more than ten years ago I was on a men’s retreat in the Rocky Mountains. This retreat was centered on Holy Communion. About one day into this retreat, I had a very special moment; “… he took the bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him…” During communion I experienced a moment, a moment like a friend called eternity within the flick of a camera’s shutter. I experienced the living Jesus.

I would like to look at the back-story to this moment.

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Blessed are those who mourn

My father was suffering from dementia and was failing in health. I was personally responsible for his care. The family business had not only lost its head we had lost our most important client to corporate reorganization. The business was failing. At home we had just suffered through a house fire that placed immense stress on my immediate family. Basically I was clinically depressed though strongly in denial. In this moment some friends at church suggested that I should go on this retreat. They took me up to the winter winds and snow of late October to a rustic retreat center at 9,500 ft. above see level and left me with a gathering of strangers. What I found with these strangers was love like I never experienced before.

Blessed are the merciful
Blessed are the pure in heart

These brothers were the most ordinary of men. Salesmen, accounts, service reps. from all sorts of church backgrounds; Methodist, Baptist, Evangelical, Greek Orthodox. What they had tasted and what they wanted to share with us newbies was simply the Kingdom of God.

Now I return to this moment with Jesus. This instant of pure joy quickly changed to an intense dark night of the soul. This must have been noticeable to all around since the lay leader and pastor came along side me as I sobbed and shook for hours into the night. The lay leader was a biker with the leather jacket. He carried a teddy bear to remind him of Jesus. The pastor had been an alcoholic who, some years previously, experienced Christ as he lay on a hospital bed hearing a nurse tell his Grandmother that he had no change of survival.  The day before, as the retreat was gathering, his wife had left a message that she was leaving him. These two and many other brothers walked with me as disciples of Jesus experiencing the indwelling of the Kingdom of God.

Why did these men serve on these retreats at great personal expense of both money and time? It was not to “save souls”. Nobody was invited to these retreats unless they were professing Christians and they had to get their pastor’s signature that they were mature Christians. Yet, these brothers came back over and over. I think once you taste the Kingdom of God it’s hard not to want more.

After my time as a newbie I was invited, by some of my brothers, to join a prison ministry based on this retreat I described above. Being in prison was some of the best times in my life. I had been invited to share in the indwelling of The Kingdom of God.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness
Blessed are the merciful
Blessed are the peacemakers

It takes about six months to train a team to go into the prison environment. While there are many practical aspects most of the time and effort is based on team building. Our friends, in the prison, are experts at detecting hidden agendas, superficial masks, and biblical superficiality. These men know the con games and, in prison; the one possession they may have is a Bible. You just don’t quote scripture because they’re likely better than you at that game. What you can bring into this environment is unconditional love for each other in complete humility and a transparent deep personal honesty.

Blessed are the meek
Blessed are the pure of heart

If a group of brothers can live in the love of Jesus this can effect the hardest of hearts. “If there is this love among you, then all will know that you are my disciples.”

All the members of the team are required to present at least one talk. While these talks are structured some space is always left for personal confession. I don’t think that the programmatic subject was ever memorable or very interesting. I presented most of these talks at one time or another and can’t remember the title of one of them. I do remember the personal stories and confessions. While all members of the outside must be respectable citizens and mature Christians, (the State does a background check on all volunteers in the prison system), we all had our stories. Mine were of past drug addiction and sexual abuse, but there were many stories of alcoholism, divorce, familial violence and much more to add to the list. It was through these stories that the team truly learned to love one another and the residents began to see something they had never seen before.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

One of my brothers added another dimension to this story. As we were talking he shared that he would never dare to tell his story to anyone in his home church. He knew he would be shunned. He asked, ‘why must I come to prison to be honest about myself’? I was very moved by this question, as was all the team. We all lived it.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

The Refuge has just ended a time of listening to stories and reflecting on the Beatitudes. They were beautiful stories from many wonderful voices. The final night was an experience of grace and love being offered and received in so many personal and lovely ways; truly an indwelling of the Kingdom of God. But, to write a wrap on the Refuge’s journey through the Beatitudes, for me, can only be a personal testimony.

Jesus was baptized and spent forty days with his Father. He then spent the rest of his time with us proclaiming the indwelling of his Father’s Kingdom both through word and deed. Jesus started this mission by giving all of us some very practical instructions on how to taste his Father’s Kingdom. They all started with the word and promise, “Blessed”.

Importantly all the beatitudes are addressed to the community. There is not an individual being blessed. I have been blessed in tasting the Kingdom, but always these blessings have come from my brothers and sisters, including residents of a prison. Even the most profoundly personal experience of Jesus was in community, celebrating the Eucharist. The very language of the beatitudes calls us into relationship.

And I conclude this essay where I started it. I’m going through a messy divorce. I have not been employed for nearly a year. I see my therapist once a week. But with all this said, by the love of my brothers and sisters, I was blessed to taste again The Kingdom of God in the faces, stories, and deeds in the Refuges’ loving closing dance honoring Jesus’ teachings that all start with the promise, “Blessed”.

God’s Peace.