Archive for the ‘community’ Category

KATHY - bread

Monday, April 6th, 2009

breadlast week karl facilitated a conversation around the upper room table at our weekend gathering about bread.  Jesus said ‘i am the bread of life. whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.” john 6:51.    i missed part of the conversation, but got to catch up a bit on this thought when i finished reading “take this bread” by sara miles this past weekend (one advantage of being layed up with extreme back pain: lots of time to read!)  what a great story about what can happen when an atheist walks into a church, takes communion, and enters into the wild and crazy journey of following Christ.   an open table.  food for the hungry.  tasting and seeing God in unexplainable ways.  creating a food pantry where hundreds come every week to get food, break bread together, and practice what radically inclusive community can look like.  there were so many powerful images in the book that resonated with me related to community, “church”, and what it means to be the body of Christ here on earth corporately, individually.

with easter week upon us it was exactly the reminder i needed of the power of Jesus’ body & blood to transform. and for us, the “church”–his body here on earth–to touch and heal, too.   there were so many great lines in the book, too many to mention, but here are a few highlights:

“what i heard, and continue to hear, is a voice that can crack religious and political convictions open, that advocates for the least qualified, least official, least likely; that upsets the established order and makes a joke of certainty.  it proclaims against reason that the hungry will be fed, that those cast down will be raised up, and that all things, including my own failures, are being made new.”  (prologue, xv)

“all of it pointed to a force stronger than the anxious formulas of religion:  a radically inclusive love that accompanied people in the most ordinary of actions–eating, drinking, walking–and stayed with them, through fear, even past death.  that love meant giving yourself away, embracing outsiders as family, emptying yourself to feed and live for others.” (p. 93)

“you can’t be a Christian by yourself”  (p. 119)

“but faith working through love:  that could mean plugging away with other people, acting in small ways without the comfort of a big vision or even a lot of realistic hope.  it could look more like prayer:  opening yourself to uncertainty, accepting your lack of control.  it meant taking on concrete tasks in the middle of confusion, without stopping to argue who was the truest believer.” (p. 162)

“i remember what a sad, drunken visitor to the pantry had told me once.  ‘thank God,’ he said earnestly, ‘thank God for Jesus.  because, you know, he was here like us, so he knows how hard it is to be a person. he must have a sense of humor about us.” (p. 172)

“this is where i found my faith:  a faith expressed in a wild conceit that a helpless, low-caste baby could be God. that ugly, contaminated and unimportant people embody holiness.  that my own neediness and misfitting, not my goodness or piety, were what God intended to use.” (p. 222)

“they wanted, in fact, church: not the kind where you sit obediently and listen to someone tell you how to behave, but the kind where you discovery responsibility, purpose, meaning.  they wanted a church where they could bring their sorrows, their gifts, their entire messy lives:  where they could find community.”  (p. 214)

which ones resonate with you?

i’ll end with this, a prayer sara miles wrote for her community that is the desire of my heart for our little refuge community, that we’d be bread….

“O God of abundance, you feed us every day.

rise in us now, make us into your bread.

that we may share your gifts with a hungry world,

and join in love with all people, through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (p. 163)

IRENE – What I Learned on the Bus

Monday, February 23rd, 2009

 

busI recently started a new job in downtown Denver.  A friend suggested I take the bus.  I have been spoiled by my warm cozy music filled drive to and fro so it never occurred to me to take ‘the bus.’   Somehow I felt that taking the bus was a measure of my success…if I had to take the bus I wasn’t doing too well.   However after receiving my first paycheck, I realized it was time to give up my pride and start looking at life in reality versus the illusion I had created that I was better somehow.   I started to take the bus and it has been a blessing.   I’ve met the nicest people,  I don’t have to drive on 36 and I-25, I save money on gas and parking, I watch the sunrises and sunsets, I read, listen to music…I gave up my  pride and received an amazing blessing!

This small change has led me to reflect on what other areas in my life have not progressed because I have held onto  pride.  What have I missed out on because I didn’t  consider ‘what if I respond in a new way,  make a new choice”?   What if I forgive, have mercy, forget the past and look forward….instead of holding on so tightly to my way?

I think about Peter the Apostle and what his consequences were because of Pride.  He was broken and broken and broken until he finally came to a place of surrender.  He ultimately came to a place of the greatest love of all–Jesus–but he had to go through the hell of his making because of his ‘ego’, his ‘pride’, his control! 

As I look back on my life, now living half of it,  and think about how many times I chose pride over surrender,   I wonder if I had taken the path of surrender to God’s direction, leading, love, what my life would look like today?

Because of pride I lost a 25 year marriage.   My pride stopped me from getting the counseling I needed for dysfunctional behaviors growing up in an alcoholic family.    After a hard divorce and a two year rebound relationship I finally went to my first Adult Children of Alcoholic meeting.    The false image of myself was not working anymore and I was causing harm to myself and others when all I wanted was to give and receive love.  Through the years my pride held me back from seeking the support I needed from others and community.  I thought I could do it alone, be self sufficient  and I did not ask for help because I didn’t want to appear weak.   Pride in my life has led to judgment and prejudice!   

 God is now showing me that humility, love and honesty are the loving ways to the abundant life I long for in my heart.  Thomas  Merton says it well, 

 In humility is the greatest freedom.  As long as you have to defend the imaginary self that you think is important, you lose your peace of heart.  As soon as you compare that shadow with the shadows of other people, you lose all joy, because you have begun to trade in unrealities, and there is no joy in things that do not exist.  When humility delivers a man from attachment  to his own works and his own reputation, he discovers that perfect joy is possible only when he has completely forgotten himself.  And it is only when we pay no more attention to our own deeds and our own reputation and our own excellence that we are at last completely free to serve God in perfection for His own sake alone.

My pride has also kept me stuck in my past.   If I keep looking at the past and what I should have done or what I have lost, I will continue to stay stuck.   I believe God has heard the prayer of my heart for change and He is gradually bringing  me to  the simpler, humble life.   I make less money, have less material things, and less of many worldly things.  I believe Jesus is bringing me to His truth–His secret to joy – living with Him in simplicity and freedom.  He is calling me to cast my burdens on Him and rest.   I am learning that when all is taken away I come to the crossroads:  to take the path of rehashing the past, doing life my way or to see the glimmer of light, the eye of God in the clouds, saying “can’t you see I am showing you what you have been praying for….peace, joy, freedom.”    Being stripped gradually of worldly support systems is showing me what Jesus meant when he said “to die to your old self and become new so the walls are removed and  we can truly love each other” so I can love the Lord with all my heart, mind and soul and truly love my neighbor.    Jesus is transforming my heart to respond in a new way.    He is knocking down the walls of pride in me .  

Each day I have a choice….. to choose acceptance rather than blaming;  love instead of  rejection; friends and community instead of sadness and isolation; mercy, compassion and forgiveness rather than anger and resentment.   I desire Jesus ‘way!

I am learning that I am not on earth to serve myself but to serve God and when I do everything works.  I have to trust and not cling to things but cling to God and let go in faith.  

Thank you Jesus for your patience and love.  I  love you.  Thank you for what i am learning on the bus.  

 

an evening of hope

Monday, February 16th, 2009

post it noteslast sunday, february 8th, we had an evening of reflective stations to wrap up our series on hope.  it was a beautiful evening of hope & connecting with God in all kinds of ways.  several of the stations had questions about hope. here are some of the collective responses:

What causes you to lose hope??

When something goes wrong
Looking at me. Focusing on my stuff
Human forgetfulness
When I take my eyes off Jesus
That I am not forgiven
Feeling isolated and overwhelmed
When circumstances don’t change and I pray and pray
Forgetting I’m just a small part of a big beautiful picture
Circumstance after circumstance going awry, going awry going awry
Fear
Life circumstances
Circumstances, bad luck, other people
Depression, The past (at least the ugly parts), struggle without relief
Time
Death

What does hope look like?

A child’s laugh
A baby’s laugh
Others willing to listen
It looks like a ray of sunshine piercing acloudy sky
The kingdom is real and present
A strong urge inside to perpetuate anything good
It looks like a smile, a smooth easy path
Like an unexpected phone call, someone wondering how I’m doing out of the blue
My daughter that is her middle name
It looks like a hug
“The love that fills my heart after forgiveness”
A way through the desert
Friendships

Where does hope start?

It’s like a light at the end of  a dark tunnel
The rock–God
Hope begins when any journey begins
In the beginning God
I think it starts in unexpected and different ways. Sometimes inside and sometimes outside. Always God.
At the bottom
Something unexpected
Smiling eyes
No fear rather being confident in what I’m doing and God has my back
With a ray of God’s presence in your life at that moment of despair
God uses friends and a word to light the fire of hope
Hope starts with introspection and maybe analyzing God’s goodness and faithfulness
Honest safe friends
Belonging in something that is bigger than me
Hope starts with Jesus
With a conversation with a safe person that later may turn into talking with God
A tree full of crisp, sweet apples, just ready to be eaten
One more step one more breath one day closer to heaven
Waking up

When hope is lost, how can it be regained?

Crying out to Jesus
In everything with praise and thanksgiving.  God know your needs
By asking safe people to remind me of what is good
Ask a safe person. Ask God. Ask and it will be given seek and you will find
Reaching out and letting others know your feelings
By crying myself to sleep and asking God questions and being still
Staying in community   The Bible
Through the eyes of community
Never ending? looking away from ands toward God, like Mack did in The Shack book. Community with Safe real people on the way
Consciously seeking glimpses of God
Looking to the word of God and praying
Spend time with God and in prayer and in His word
By looking to the Author of Hope-Jesus
Making a decision to receive hope by remembering
I’m still working on this one
Staying in and crying out

After communion, here are some things people wrote on stones about how they were feeling:
peace    hope    solace    weak    despair    healing    Jesus    loved    fear    new puppy    comfort    grace and love    cherished    very grateful    ok together    reserved hope    love is the key    my hope is his blood flowing in me    freedom    thankful for grace from my friends    willing    wanting real bread    total    immersion in Jesus    there is hope    not alone

thank you, God, for your Hope.



TAMI -Some Thoughts on Hope

Monday, February 2nd, 2009

hope armband

“The hope of the afflicted shall never perish”
- Psalm 9:18

The Refuge did a short interview on Hope with Tami. Here are some of her thoughts:

how would you describe where you are in your life when it comes to hope?  are you feeling a little of it?  a lot of it?  why?

I feel a little of it.  Hope is one of those things that has a life of its own for me. Hope doesn’t depend on any one person to need it, make it, conjure it up, give it to others (though lending hope is totally do-able), or anything, …  it is already within each of us, a God-given enigma to live and survive without losing any part of ourselves.  It’s nice this way, because its existence doesn’t matter at all whether or not we feel it. If there is one miniscule bit of it anywhere to be found in us, it will bust out of the darkest places in infinite quantities to get us from one dark place to something human, even if for just a moment. Very frequently this is brought about in the context of community, through another person who takes a moment to just qualify the fact that another person is living, breathing, valuable, and hurting in that moment.  And a moment is everything when we humans are suffering–  and so hope is our last, best, only line of defense against darkness.  Good thing it doesn’t depend on us…

when you think of the word hope, what do you think of?

I think of one of the most uncontrollable, powerful forces of the universe.

what makes you afraid to hope?

Some of my experience tells me that things really can and will get bad– the floor does fall through. And then comes the fear that the lies are true–that God might leave me alone to die there.

what brings you hope?

Others who know my struggle and weaknesses, but who still know and can still see who I really am, even through seeing me at my worst, and then remind me, help me, get my bearings straight again so I can move on without condemnation for where I just was.  Moving forward, being able to bounce back with the truth of some good.

how have you “borrowed hope” from others?  what difference has that made in your life?

Borrowing hope is like the fastrack out of despair. Hope already exists and will find everyone somehow in moments, but when borrowing hope, both parties have to choose to do this.  Borrowing hope simply means letting my guard down just long enough to let another person give me a quick glimpse of something good that makes it worth getting to the next moment and letting all the possibilities take hold.  Mind you, it is HARD to let it happen when I’m in the midst of darkness. But it’s a lot like an opportunistic infection–  the moment it finds the right place, then is exposed to spread in an environment that’s made to grow that infection…  it spreads like wildfire, which is why I say that only God can have anything to do with it.  Humans just aren’t able to do this stuff…only to let it happen.

there’s no way to define the mystery of “hope” but what are some ways God tends to bring some of it to you?  what does that look like, feel like, taste like?

It’s something good and true that sets off that thing God put in me, so I can make it a little longer through the darkness.  For me it’s a hug or someone who knows me telling me the truth about my identity when I’m confused there, or that weird feeling behind my cheekbones that I get when I really cry hard and nobody is mad at me for doing so.  Or that relaxation and warmth of being able to just be still and lie there without a fight and grieve— to freely be able to feel and know it won’t hurt my chances for a spot in heaven or in a loved one’s life.

what would you say right now to someone who’s feeling hopeless?

What you feel is just fine, and I don’t want you to stop it.  I can see you even through all the dark you feel.  I’m perfectly fine with you being here and you’re worth staying with through it.

what would you say right now to someone who’s feeling hopeful?

Cool.  Relish it, grow it, and hold that thought—you, or someone else. will need it later.

DREW - O Prisoners of Hope

Monday, January 19th, 2009

light at the top of stairsI have had the pleasure of sharing my life over the last 2 years with some very special people who have touched my heart and my life in so many ways.  As I begin to write I write with them in mind and the tremendous amount of hope that they have given me over these last two years and the courage to finish a race that at times simply seems to daunting and confusing to continue to run.  It’s their own stories of hope and love that spurs me on.  If you are reading this blog you are most likely one of those people or connected to us in some manner as the Body of Christ, thank you.

When I was asked to write about hope it didn’t take long before Zechariah 9:12 ran through my head.  I don’t mean to imply that I might be a biblical scholar with an extensive liturgical scholarship in theology because I am far from that and trust me that is a good thing for your sake and I am convinced for mine as well, however, I did ask the Holy Spirit why he or she reminded me of a verse that was likely drilled into my head by a earthly father with every good intention that his son might know love of God.  So let me share a little bit with you about what the Holy Spirit has shared with me and then we can let the games begin.

So you can get the context:

“11 As for you, because of the blood of my covenant with you, I will free your prisoners from the waterless pit. 12 Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you. 13 I will bend Judah as I bend my bow and fill it with Ephraim.  I will rouse your sons, O Zion, against your sons, O Greece, and make you like a warrior’s sword.” Zechariah 9:11-13 (NIV)

I love these verses partially because I am a sucker for poetry but beyond the beautifully written word and poetic prose lies a deeper meaning that stirs the ancient areas of my heart.  Zechariah was one of the minor prophets and it is no wonder that he used the phrase “O prisoners of hope.” His ministry to the nation of Israel was during their exile back from Babylonian captivity to rebuild Israel and the temple that the Babylonians had destroyed.  It’s no wonder that the meaning behind his name meant “The Lord Remembers”. How appropriate that The Lord (Yahweh) is the the covenant name of God and is an everlasting testimony of faithfulness to his children whom he never forgets and always Remembers.  Zechariah along with his fellow countrymen have lived in the confines of the Babylonian Empire under the leadership of Nebuchadnezzar forced to worship false gods. Later the Israelites were released to freedom and back to their homeland after Cyrus the Great of Persia conquers the Babylonians and then on top of it all he writes a decree to allow them to live out their faith in freedom and rebuild the temple.  Cyrus encouraged them to proceed and so they started to establish the foundation of the new temple and it seemed like everything was going great and then all of the sudden the Samaritans want to get involved in the building process and the Israelites told them to butt out. Well, the long and short of it was the Samaritans got their feelings hurt and their panties all in a wad and started spreading lies about the possible Israelite rebellion that would result due to the resurrection of the temple.  The powers to be got wind of this and shut it down.  I can only imagine the disappointment that the Israelites felt at this point in time.  They had endured years of abuse in a foreign land under the rule of a crazy man and then they were finally set free to go back to their promise land and permitted to worship their God in freedom. Began to rebuild the temple and someone falsely pulls the carpet out from underneath them.  I think I would have felt like giving up too!  Then hear comes Zechariah proclaiming the voice of God and sowing seeds of hope among the destitute and broken-hearted not only that the temple would be re-built but that their Savior was coming soon and that he would redeem all that they had lost and return it to them two fold.

As I was reading this I was thinking Zechariah had a hell of a job trying to sow seeds of hope to a distraught and destitute nation and all by his lonesome –how did he have the strength to do this?  Well he wasn’t alone. He had a friend and confidant in Haggai, another minor prophet who had seen the actual destruction of the first temple all the way through to the present time.  I’m sure they both leaned on one another in so many different ways and encouraged and exhorted one another to help see their countrymen to the end of this struggle to rebuild their temple so that they could worship their true Father in freedom.  Any time there is a one and another ‘one another’ there is community and community is where hope thrives and somehow there always seems to be enough hope to see us through.  When I think about the temple that the Israelites rebuilt I think about our hearts and the rebuilding that goes on daily.  The Israelites finally rebuilt the Temple the temple in 516 BC. Construction of a new temple was begun in 537 BC; after a hiatus, work resumed 520 BC, with completion occurring in 516 BC and dedication in 515.  If you remember from earlier the rebuilding of the Temple was authorized by Cyrus the Great and ratified by Darius the Great. God’s faithfulness and the community that surrounds us gives us hope that one day freedom might be restored.  Even though we experience restoration in portions of our hearts, just like the Israelites did with the temple, doesn’t mean we are exempt from pain and suffering, in fact, Christ said we would continue to experience trouble (John 16:33) and that suffering that results from the trouble that we experience teaches us to love more deeply, and through that love we give others hope to take one more step.  That’s not the end of the story nor the end of what Zechariah wrote to the Israelites.  In 70 A.D. the Romans destroyed the temple a second time and to this day the Jews are hoping that it will be restored once again when the Messiah returns.  Zechariah 14 is the prophecy concerning the second coming of Christ and the final restoration of the temple.  Pretty cool story. I tried to tell it as I understood it and I hope it leaves you encouraged.

Finally I will end by sharing with you something that happened to me in the fall of ‘08.  I have struggled with SA since I was a young kid and the last several years God has surrounded me with a great community of people both men and woman who have loved me and created a safe place for my heart to heal.  I suffered the consequences of a lost marriage and as I have grown and healed over the years the prospect of dating has come up.  I certainly keep hoping that one day I might be able to remarry and have a family. It’s a deep desire that I have had to put on hold for a long time, but now that I’m here I still hear the lies that tell me that I am damaged goods and that I could never love or be loved enough to sustain a relationship so I remain stagnate. It has been a difficult transition for me and probably one of the scariest things that I have faced most recently. This last Fall I relapsed. Usually when that happens I isolate and hide, but this particular night I decided to do something different and it snowballed into something more than I would have imagined –something redemptive.  I decided to go to the Refuge. They were having a dinner that night so I kind of hung out in the foyer trying to be as discreet as I possibly could and I am really good at that, trust me.  As I hung out and watched people getting their dinners and sitting around fellowshiping I saw this peculiar older gentleman walking around in what looked like fatigues and a mohawk with all kinds of cool earrings and tattoos.    It definitely got my attention, but then again the Refuge is a melting pot of everything and everybody that’s what makes it so good.  I just thought to myself it must be a new guy and continued to people watch.  About 5 minuets later Kathy got up and started to introduced a friend of hers that she and Karl had met up in the NW and then asked him to come up and share a little bit about himself.  It was the new guy I saw.  I thought to myself “this should be interesting cause you never know who Kathy’s going to bring even though it’s usually always good” and just by his looks alone he seemed like a helluva character. I was intrigued to say the least.  Well he got up and no kidding he said the following,” Hello, my name is Ken and I have 22 days of sobriety from alcoholism……”  I lost it inside I started to tear up and the feelings of loneliness and shame slid right off my back.  Under my breath I said thanks Ken, I only have 30 minutes but I know I’m not alone any more.  I can’t really describe to you the rest because it would take too long and I don’t know that I could put words to it that would do it any justice, but I did get a chance to talk to him a couple of days later and found out he had a heart bigger that the state of Texas and a huge burden for the homeless.  Earlier that evening his wife Deborah shared with the group and I was blown away by the fact that she had stayed with Ken all those years even though he had struggled with his addiction for so long.  You see I have always bought the lie of perfection: kick the addiction then you will be acceptable enough, otherwise you’re just damaged goods that nobody wants.  That was clearly not the case and Deborah and Ken were living proof that challenged the lie that I had lived with for so long.  I’m generally a pretty private person and a little bashful with people I have never talked to before, but I felt a deep need to thank Deborah for loving Ken despite his battle with alcoholism, and I’m not sure how this works but by loving Ken she loved me and gave me hope that one day I might be married and loved for Drew, the good the bad and the ugly, and not for my goodness alone.  Later I spoke to Deborah and told her what I had shared with Ken about my journey and what she had done for me by loving Ken and how much it meant to me.  She smiled and thanked me and said that no one had ever told her that before then she gave me a hug and said she was hopeful that someone special would come into my life soon.  I wrote Ken later because I wanted to share with him a quote that I had found that I thought represented their love for one another….

Any way here is the note I wrote:

Ken,
How are you doing? I wanted to write you and Deborah and thank you for your time spent with us here in Colorado. I enjoyed talking with you Thursday night and wanted to let you know that you really spoke to my heart and give me hope. I looked up the quote from CS Lewis that Deborah gave during her talk and found that it came from a Sermon that he gave in 1941 called “The Weight of Glory”. I love CS Lewis and have enjoyed reading his works when I can keep up with him sometimes his thought are quite deep and it’s a daunting task to understand what he’s exactly trying to communicate, but he always has some amazing insight. I came across another quote the other day and thought of both you. I hope it is a blessing to you as you continue to be a blessing to so many others. I’ll keep you both in my prayers, take care.

“Loving all of it even while he had to hate some of it because he knows now that you don’t love because: you love despite; not for the virtues, but despite the faults.” -William Faulkner

With Love, Drew

I love Ken and Deborah and I love the body of Christ.  It’s amazing the amount of hope there is when we love despite. It’s the message God gave Zechariah in 520 BC and it the same today. God bless you and when things go south try to remember you’re loved, O prisoner of hope…

reflecting forward - an evening of creativity

Monday, January 5th, 2009

hopes for the new year collagethis past saturday night at our weekend place of refuge gathering at the grange we facilitated a creative experience to help reflect and dream about this upcoming year. it was a beautiful evening, so many different expressions of hope for the journey. here are some of the questions we used to guide the exercise:

what words describe ‘08 for you?

in your journey this past year what are some of the encouragements that have given you joy?

what name would you like to give this new year’s journey?

as you stand on the threshold of 2009 how would you express the fears, excitement and hope you have?

what is your greatest desire for this coming year?

download the entire reflection sheet here.

here are some more snapshots from the evening:

may this kind of corporate creativity continue to be nurtured in 2009!

DOUG - A Personal Reflection on the Beatitudes

Monday, November 17th, 2008

candlesSome time, more than ten years ago I was on a men’s retreat in the Rocky Mountains. This retreat was centered on Holy Communion. About one day into this retreat, I had a very special moment; “… he took the bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him…” During communion I experienced a moment, a moment like a friend called eternity within the flick of a camera’s shutter. I experienced the living Jesus.

I would like to look at the back-story to this moment.

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Blessed are those who mourn

My father was suffering from dementia and was failing in health. I was personally responsible for his care. The family business had not only lost its head we had lost our most important client to corporate reorganization. The business was failing. At home we had just suffered through a house fire that placed immense stress on my immediate family. Basically I was clinically depressed though strongly in denial. In this moment some friends at church suggested that I should go on this retreat. They took me up to the winter winds and snow of late October to a rustic retreat center at 9,500 ft. above see level and left me with a gathering of strangers. What I found with these strangers was love like I never experienced before.

Blessed are the merciful
Blessed are the pure in heart

These brothers were the most ordinary of men. Salesmen, accounts, service reps. from all sorts of church backgrounds; Methodist, Baptist, Evangelical, Greek Orthodox. What they had tasted and what they wanted to share with us newbies was simply the Kingdom of God.

Now I return to this moment with Jesus. This instant of pure joy quickly changed to an intense dark night of the soul. This must have been noticeable to all around since the lay leader and pastor came along side me as I sobbed and shook for hours into the night. The lay leader was a biker with the leather jacket. He carried a teddy bear to remind him of Jesus. The pastor had been an alcoholic who, some years previously, experienced Christ as he lay on a hospital bed hearing a nurse tell his Grandmother that he had no change of survival.  The day before, as the retreat was gathering, his wife had left a message that she was leaving him. These two and many other brothers walked with me as disciples of Jesus experiencing the indwelling of the Kingdom of God.

Why did these men serve on these retreats at great personal expense of both money and time? It was not to “save souls”. Nobody was invited to these retreats unless they were professing Christians and they had to get their pastor’s signature that they were mature Christians. Yet, these brothers came back over and over. I think once you taste the Kingdom of God it’s hard not to want more.

After my time as a newbie I was invited, by some of my brothers, to join a prison ministry based on this retreat I described above. Being in prison was some of the best times in my life. I had been invited to share in the indwelling of The Kingdom of God.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness
Blessed are the merciful
Blessed are the peacemakers

It takes about six months to train a team to go into the prison environment. While there are many practical aspects most of the time and effort is based on team building. Our friends, in the prison, are experts at detecting hidden agendas, superficial masks, and biblical superficiality. These men know the con games and, in prison; the one possession they may have is a Bible. You just don’t quote scripture because they’re likely better than you at that game. What you can bring into this environment is unconditional love for each other in complete humility and a transparent deep personal honesty.

Blessed are the meek
Blessed are the pure of heart

If a group of brothers can live in the love of Jesus this can effect the hardest of hearts. “If there is this love among you, then all will know that you are my disciples.”

All the members of the team are required to present at least one talk. While these talks are structured some space is always left for personal confession. I don’t think that the programmatic subject was ever memorable or very interesting. I presented most of these talks at one time or another and can’t remember the title of one of them. I do remember the personal stories and confessions. While all members of the outside must be respectable citizens and mature Christians, (the State does a background check on all volunteers in the prison system), we all had our stories. Mine were of past drug addiction and sexual abuse, but there were many stories of alcoholism, divorce, familial violence and much more to add to the list. It was through these stories that the team truly learned to love one another and the residents began to see something they had never seen before.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

One of my brothers added another dimension to this story. As we were talking he shared that he would never dare to tell his story to anyone in his home church. He knew he would be shunned. He asked, ‘why must I come to prison to be honest about myself’? I was very moved by this question, as was all the team. We all lived it.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

The Refuge has just ended a time of listening to stories and reflecting on the Beatitudes. They were beautiful stories from many wonderful voices. The final night was an experience of grace and love being offered and received in so many personal and lovely ways; truly an indwelling of the Kingdom of God. But, to write a wrap on the Refuge’s journey through the Beatitudes, for me, can only be a personal testimony.

Jesus was baptized and spent forty days with his Father. He then spent the rest of his time with us proclaiming the indwelling of his Father’s Kingdom both through word and deed. Jesus started this mission by giving all of us some very practical instructions on how to taste his Father’s Kingdom. They all started with the word and promise, “Blessed”.

Importantly all the beatitudes are addressed to the community. There is not an individual being blessed. I have been blessed in tasting the Kingdom, but always these blessings have come from my brothers and sisters, including residents of a prison. Even the most profoundly personal experience of Jesus was in community, celebrating the Eucharist. The very language of the beatitudes calls us into relationship.

And I conclude this essay where I started it. I’m going through a messy divorce. I have not been employed for nearly a year. I see my therapist once a week. But with all this said, by the love of my brothers and sisters, I was blessed to taste again The Kingdom of God in the faces, stories, and deeds in the Refuges’ loving closing dance honoring Jesus’ teachings that all start with the promise, “Blessed”.

God’s Peace.

dreams revisited

Monday, November 10th, 2008

shadow group
we’re doing lots of dreaming these days, thinking about this upcoming year in the life of our community. in the spirit of that, we thought we’d revisit a post we wrote over a year ago about dreams for the church….

we have a dream…
it’s not a small one.
it’s not a huge one (we’re not planning to lead any marches anytime soon)
we think it’s a simple one.

and despite our cynicism about ‘church’ (yes, we know it seeps through!) we are idealists. we wouldn’t be doing this if we had given up.

we are still “foolish” enough to think some of our dreams are possible. we think when Jesus said

your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven

he meant that the Kingdom was possible now.

here are a few of our dreams…

we have a dream that we’d be people who took Jesus word’s seriously. this means we don’t get to just talk about it, we actually have to be forgiving, loving, sacrificing, humble. we need to be people willing to give away our stuff, care for the widows and orphans, die to ourself, hug lepers, lay down power, and make peace with our enemies.

we have a dream that all people would be valued. when we look at each other we don’t let color, socioeconomics, gender, theologies, shapes or sizes or social abilities get in the way of seeing the image of God and respecting each other’s worth, value & contribution to this world.

we have a dream that no single parent would feel like they were parenting alone. they’d have other people willing to fill in the gaps, pick up the slack, offer help, prayer, and love so it’s not so damn hard.

we have a dream that no one would feel crippled by their weaknesses. the damage from the past & present would not paralyze us from living out who God made us to be, instead, we’d use our story to help another person.

we have a dream that we’d know our neighbors. actually know them, and notice if they’re hungry or sad or lonely and do something about it if we can.

we have a dream that every child had grownups other than their parents who believed in them. we’d see all that was possible, and cheer them on in really tangible ways.

we have a dream that people of Jesus would be known for the acts of Jesus. when people hear the word “Christian” they did not cringe and immediately think “judgmental”. instead, they’d have warm feelings that were associated with the truth of Christ’s love & kindness because they experienced it from one of us at some point and couldn’t escape its power.

we have a dream that we’d be advocates. we will stand with the marginalized, oppressed, poor & unlovely, that we’d risk our pride. position, and power so that someone with none could get a little.

we have a dream that walls between churches & the community would crumble. walls that have been built because of fear and past ugly experiences would dissolve. that we’d learn to share resources, support each other & let care for human beings supersede our politics & theologies.

we have a dream that every person would feel known, loved & cared for by another human being. that we’d do our little part to help banish loneliness.

we have a dream that we’d be a community of dreamers. what are some of yours?

KATHY - the church is not a building

Monday, November 3rd, 2008

 

never doubt that a small, group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. – margaret mead

i am very excited for our new saturday evening space for the refuge weekend gathering at the crescent grange hall!  it really couldn’t be more “us”—the wrong side of the railroad tracks, in the old part of town where the aging houses next to junkyards next to nice office buildings. it’s definitely the right metaphor.  a real unexpected, unlikely gem. a gift from God to our dear community. a lovely, worn farmhouse with charm & space & a sort of unspoken sign on the door that says “i am meant to be used again. fill me up with love & laughter & food & friends.” after our first gathering this past saturday night we could all feel the warmth and hope of what could be.  

sky housebut i want to remind everyone, remind myself, that the refuge would have been perfectly fine without this space.  you see, the church is always the people, not a building.  and people committed to God & each other, no matter where they gather—houses, coffee shops, golf courses, apartment buildings, weird rented spaces—are what create the church, the beautiful, diverse, wild and wonderful body of Christ.  the conversations that happen during the week, the phone calls, the emails, the prayers, the tangible help & hope that gets passed on in big & small ways, the neighbors that are loved, the scriptures that are shared, the words of encouragement, the serving, the giving, the learning, the growing, the falling down & getting back up, the grace, the truth, Christ’s love made real—that’s the church.  

what can sometimes happen in moments like this is we start to think that all the action of the refuge now happens on saturday nights in a cool spot that will hopefully start to feel a lot more like home.  that that is “church.”  nah, that’s just a gathering.  a wonderful beautiful gathering of other folks on the journey, sure. a time to soak in God & hope & love in a really intentional way, sure.  a sweet respite from the craziness of our lives, sure.  but real church, real community, real life will continue to happen the other 6 ¾ days of the week.  

i love what God is up to & am so excited for our future. i hope we dream big dreams. i hope we try all kinds of crazy things. i hope lives are somehow changed because of God’s touch through us.  i hope God stirs up passion for new ideas and gives us courage to give them a try.  i hope together we learn more about what it means to be people & places of refuge. i hope the world’s a little better because of us.  i hope we can keep bringing the good news to hard places.  i hope for more and more Hope that could never, ever be contained within 4 walls once a week!  

God, in this upcoming year help us learn more and more deeply what it means to be the church. 

 

The Refuge - Blessed are the…

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

heart on woodthis is the liturgy we wrote & have been using each week at our sunday gatherings focusing in on the beatitudes & the sermon the mount.  as the final line says, may these words sink deeply into our hearts, our lives in ways we never dreamed: 

 

blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

God, we need you.

we’re at the end of our rope. we can’t do it. 

without you, we’re empty, un-filled.

ALL-  God, help us realize how much we need you.

 

blessed are those who mourn,  for they will be comforted. 

sometimes we are afraid to feel, we don’t know what to feel

we’re too tired.  we’re too afraid.  what if it starts & never stops? what if they use it against me?  what if i can’t?  what if i don’t know how?

ALL - God, help us learn to feel

 

 blessed are the meek,  for they will inherit the earth. 

we want to be the one who isn’t always butting into the front of the line, who isn’t demanding &self-centered.

we want to move more slowly, so that maybe we can see better

we want to be the car that changes lanes letting others merge onto the road.

the one who asks but is willing to wait.

ALL- God help us learn what it means to be gentle in a harsh world.
 

blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,  for they will be filled. 

we want to stand up for what is right, take action for our friends

reach out to those that have been pushed aside and down

be a defense

ALL- God help us be bold and advocate for others
 

blessed are the merciful,  for they will be shown mercy. 

we want caring hearts. compassionate hearts.  forgiving hearts. soft hearts.

hearts that can hold the breaking heart of another

hearts that offer grace, hands that offer help

ALL- God help us be vessels of mercy and grace
 

blessed are the pure in heart,  for they will see God. 

help our pride erode to humility 

peel away our hardness

discard the  moldy, unusable pieces, then unveil the deep inside, that which matters most

ALL– God remove what’s getting in the way

 

blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. 

teach us to forgive

to be healing balm in places of strife.

to  lay down our guns & our need to win

to keep walking alongside the prisoners of war when we want to hide behind the barracks

ALL – God, help us be known as promoters of peace.  

 

blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

help us remember that you know what it feels like to be misunderstood, mocked, rejected

for we feel like rejects

we have tried to be more like you and we only feel less.  and lost

teach us how to count this as gain when every part of us thinks we’re failing.

ALL – God, may their misunderstanding of us mean that we have a better understanding of you.

God, turn us upside down and inside out.  may these ways, sink deeply into our hearts, our lives in ways we’d never dreamed.

ALL - AMEN.