I am grieving a long goodbye to a preposition—the word I so often use and abuse and twist like a bendy figurine. The word is “for.”
There’s so much power packed into this little word. We’ve talked a bunch about the differences between “to, for, and with” in relationship to how we do community with folks. “With” is always the clear preference for authentic,
mutually respectful, equal, beautiful, messy-but-real relationships… “With” is entirely more complicated. Depends on how bent a person may be on controlling people or situations that are not exactly what we had envisioned them turning out to be! The addict that didn’t want help, the lonely person that pushed people
away…
I’m grieving terribly! I have a feeling I rather crave this perceived control– Somehow I’ve taken to this crazy idea that it’s easier or better or more efficient for ME (number one) to solve the problem, apply simple solution, and make all better– Just like that!
SO I found this interesting tidbit of info that gave me a better idea about what it is to live “with” and let “for” fade more to its proper place. I’m a wanna-be computer nerd, so I got a welcome idea illustration when I learned this little tidbit about computer program language. In computer language there’s actually a thing called a “for loop” where the programmer can dictate something to happen over and over again, and they can even program how many times this must happen.
There’s another kind of loop called a “do loop” that’s identical to a “for loop.” Interesting, isn’t it? My point is that some genius somewhere came out with an actual command for these wonderful machines we call computers, which tells it what to do and when to do it, and how many times. And as long as it does that command, everything runs smoothly within the program. This is the function of “for” in a computer. Isn’t that what “for” is for?? And the fact that a “do loop” is the exact same thing… well, as long as we DO, DO, DO what we are programmed FOR, FOR, FOR…
Get what I’m saying? It seems like there should be a nice algorithm to the whole thing, right? It puts a whole new meaning to controlling situations and outcomes with “for.” As long as I can do whatever it takes to make things happen that I think should happen, then I control the situation and I am doing “for.” There is no room for “with,” because that would require me to leave options open– choices and dialogue from the other side. Oh, how I fear that unknown! But how I do long for it… I can imagine the wonderful conversations and amazing new algorithms yet to be discovered!
love your blog, tami, from a fellow do-er. i feel like i AM the computer sometimes - when the ON button is lit, i’m crankin’ away. don’t get in my way, or i’ll likely run you over. and don’t interrupt my program/routine, or i might freeze up or crash. but would that be such a bad thing? to crash, then reset? hopefully, i reset to a much less structured, controlled marna, to a marna that is living what she truly believes, living in community, with an acceptance of the mystery of God in this crazy world.
Great post, “Cool Name Girl”!
I sometimes think that I struggle with even ADMITTING I want control! I try to justify it by saying, “That’s what I DO…I FIX people, I take away their pain, I teach them how to function in the stages of their healing!” Well, okay, so I DO that as a physical therapist. But, finding I really can’t DO that in or FOR my community…learning to do all of this healing stuff WITH my community! So, right now, for me, it’s separating my professional life and community life a little! Thanks for being part of my community and doing all of this WITH me! I appreciate your heart and am thankful for the grace you give!
Love it, thanks for sharing Tami! Especially like the gently humorous intro on “grieving the long goodbye” to a preposition. You hooked me w/ that and that proceeded to paint me a picture of my life. Clever and quite lovely.
wow, Tami this is huge. thank you sooo much.
a. you are really good writer
b. you are wicked smart
c. i love how you wrestle with things that so often just fly right over my head. you are a gem, and a great person to be in the game “with”
karl
Tami, I’m having fun going back through blog posts I’ve missed (really MISSED) and I come across this little ditty which gives me a glimpse into your “hard drive”? It looks like it has spoken to others on many levels, but it’s hitting me at the “who do I do what I do, for? Or to more properly position the preposition, for whom do I do what I do do? I know, I said do do. It’s been my age long struggle to work as unto the Lord, and not as unto my parents, my kids, my spouse,(s) my boss, my mother-in-law(s!), my fill-in-the-blank. They are not the boss of me, they are not the boss of me, they are not the boss of me. I’ll get it right–if it’s the last thing I do do! xo~Deb
Bahahahaha!!
I relate….
Deb, I miss you!!