as i was talking with two friends, one commented on an unpleasant meeting she had had with a mutual acquaintance, i’ll call him scott. i was amazed at how much energy and anger i used to try and convince the other friend how evil i thought scott was. that is what has lead to the writing of this blog. i realized, that as far as i think i’ve come, i still have the great propensity to be a huge judgmental asshole.

in the book “a denver book of prayer” cheryl lawrie’s says:

i am fasting this lent (not from chocolate or red wine, let me hasten to add, or muffins from deganis, coffee, or cut flowers of any description).

i am fasting from knowing.

so in a cafe, yesterday she, sitting next to me, exclaimed over the headlines:  “britney shouldn’t be let near those children, should she?

and i (deep breath) said, i won’t ever know enough about britney to know”.

you know - and this is much more embarrassing than interesting - this lent, unexpectedly, i am finding i want to hear britney’s story all of it and i think i might even want to understand. (could this be compassion?)

it’s much harder than i thought it would be, this fasting.

as i watched a documentary called “the garden” at a recent refuge movie night i became almost livid at how poorly some people in the margins were treated by a rich man and a couple politically powerful women. i was so incensed that i got on the internet to get more dirt on these evil people, but was surprised by what i read. there was, actually, another side that the documentary “forgot” to tell. what they said was true, but what they left out spoke volumes. a friend of mine says “a half truth is a whole lie.”

my friend bob was shattered when his fiancee, linda, called off their wedding, because bob raised his voice to her. bob has a history of abuse and anger but has been in recovery for years, learning a better way to do life. in my community we all adore the “new bob”. he is one of the kindest, gentlest man i knew. bob’s whole community rallied beside him, because we knew his heart. linda’s community is looking at this incident a little differently. when they heard that bob had raised his voice to her, they told her to run. he is still abusive. (ironically, the same advice my community would tell a woman, if her fiancee, with abuse issues seemed to be being abusive again.) they just know linda, but not bob’s, amazing heart. is one a victim and the other a villain or are they both just broken people trying to live life in a relationship?? only God knows the real/whole story.

ralph had an affair that ruined his marriage and didn’t want to try and fix it. we love mary, his wife, and speak poorly of ralph. jack had an affair with megan which  causes megan’s and roy’s marriage to crumble. megan did nothing to try and get back together with roy. but, we love jack and so we try to help him and megan make their new relationship work,  while roy’s friends think ralph and megan are evil. on paper these stories seem, quite absurd, but they are in fact real stories with the names changed to protect the innocent.

there are ALWAYS two sides to a story. ALWAYS!! i find myself taking the side, that i am so sure is the the only true side.or at least my friends side. i put little effort into  learning or caring about the other side of the story.

this lent, as cheryl stated in her poem, i am going to try to fast from being judgmental of john, linda, ralph and all those whom i sense are not living up to my expectations and moral codes. and try to see thing from their perspective. after all who made me the judge, jury and executioner?

for years paul harvey ended his broadcast saying: “and now you know the rest of the story.” do we???

This entry was posted on Monday, March 8th, 2010 at 8:52 am and is filed under mike. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.