My wife threw a surprise party for my 40th birthday. There was lots of secrecy and fake errands to run, culminating with my appearance at the club house where 40-50 friends had gathered. It was really fun, but I have small confession: I was not surprised. I looked surprised–the hard work of April and the expectations of my friends demanded I feign the expected reaction. But, truth be told, I was expecting a big party. And it is very hard to be surprised when you expect a party. I had given her a big party for her 35th, and I felt like I deserved one in return.
If you have been following along with the Refuge advent, you know that our “thin place” this week is surprise, guided by the experience of the shepherds in Luke 2. Saturday night, we talked about how the story is filled with the surprise of an unexpected choir, the unlikely shepherds, the size of the saviour, even the scope of the good news–to all people everywhere.
It is clear the shepherds made a cosmic contact. They were touched by God and were shouting for joy at the encounter. Imagine how different the story would be if the lamb jockeys had my attitude–“Hey, i deserve this. I paid my dues, and it is about time that God noticed me.”
I often have conversations with folks who seem ripped off by God. I know the feeling–looking around, feeling that somehow I am not as chosen, blessed, anointed as the rest of the schmucks in the world. Funny, God never seems to respond to a “Hey, get over here and give me some of what I deserve!”
I wonder if in our desire to be close to God we confuse anticipating with deserving? Maybe my lack of thin places is my arrogance in believing I deserve an encounter, or worse yet, have earned it. The shepherds did not have to fake a smile or shocked look. Somehow it seems that humility opened heaven’s doors.
During this Advent I am going to try and anticipate and look, but not feel entitled. I’ll let you know how I do.
thanks, karl. this idea of surprise really lingered this entire week. so often i deliberately and sometimes unknowingly have a “give it to me now God the way i want it” expectation and i continue to learn how that is not how the spiritual life seems to work. gratitude and a spirit of humility and wonder seems to be far more effective at experiencing God…thanks for always making us think!
hey buddy, i have been thinking about what you said and i know that i have that completely backward. talk about feeling entitled. but then the pendulum swing so far the other way that i can’t anticipate, let alone feel i deserve. in the last few days i have had amazing conversations with the 3 wisemen, in my life(you being one of the), and i think i might be headed to an epiphany.
[...] also, you can read the 3 posts we have up at the refuge blog focused on the thin places – mine is called validation, jenny-silence (we did a really lovely indoor candle labryinth), and karl-surprise. [...]