Comments on: detoxing from church http://blog.therefugeonline.org/2007/06/27/detoxing-from-church/ Tue, 07 Feb 2012 12:22:48 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: Anonymous http://blog.therefugeonline.org/2007/06/27/detoxing-from-church/comment-page-1/#comment-105 Anonymous Sun, 22 Jul 2007 19:10:00 +0000 http://www.blog.therefugeonline.org/blog/?p=32#comment-105 hey lauren<br/> love your comments. here at the refuge we have ALL failed and are not afraid to admit it. i, for one, am more afraid of those "perfect people" who don't realize how much they have failed. just do your best. keep showing up. just be you. and we promise to love you no matter what. thanks for the courage when you shared your story, last week. glad you are joining us on our journey.<br/>mike hey lauren
love your comments. here at the refuge we have ALL failed and are not afraid to admit it. i, for one, am more afraid of those “perfect people” who don’t realize how much they have failed. just do your best. keep showing up. just be you. and we promise to love you no matter what. thanks for the courage when you shared your story, last week. glad you are joining us on our journey.
mike

]]> By: Lauren http://blog.therefugeonline.org/2007/06/27/detoxing-from-church/comment-page-1/#comment-95 Lauren Fri, 29 Jun 2007 02:27:00 +0000 http://www.blog.therefugeonline.org/blog/?p=32#comment-95 Until recently, I would say my only addiction was Diet Coke. It was a significant, yet somewhat silly, several can a day habit that was pretty nasty to kick. Two and a half years later I still constantly crave it in the middle of the afternoon. <br/><br/>It terrifies me to think that the detoxing from my idea of church will still be ongoing 2, 3, however many years from now. But I do, or did, truly feel so safe in a big anonymous, loud, programmed, performance church. Perhaps it was that I could go, emotionally buy into all the smoke, lights, and sound and leave feeling spiritually "high". But more it was likely the safety of not having to really be honest, to fail, to be raw. Sure I had a role there, with pastors over seeing me, and in their eyes, I'm sure I failed constantly. But ultimately they only cared that my failures and short comings would hurt their precious program. <br/><br/>In a place like the refuge I'm really fearful that my failures, my shortcomings, myself will ultimately fail and people will notice. Inevitably I will fail and it won't be with something as insignificant as a program, but could be as significant as genuine friendships. And I suppose I've never known forgiveness, outside of Christ, that will allow me to mess up and still experience unconditional love.<br/><br/>Yes the detox experience is so real. I can feel the fearful shakes coming on now, just for being so honest right now with a group of people I hardly know...I could really use a Diet Coke. Until recently, I would say my only addiction was Diet Coke. It was a significant, yet somewhat silly, several can a day habit that was pretty nasty to kick. Two and a half years later I still constantly crave it in the middle of the afternoon.

It terrifies me to think that the detoxing from my idea of church will still be ongoing 2, 3, however many years from now. But I do, or did, truly feel so safe in a big anonymous, loud, programmed, performance church. Perhaps it was that I could go, emotionally buy into all the smoke, lights, and sound and leave feeling spiritually “high”. But more it was likely the safety of not having to really be honest, to fail, to be raw. Sure I had a role there, with pastors over seeing me, and in their eyes, I’m sure I failed constantly. But ultimately they only cared that my failures and short comings would hurt their precious program.

In a place like the refuge I’m really fearful that my failures, my shortcomings, myself will ultimately fail and people will notice. Inevitably I will fail and it won’t be with something as insignificant as a program, but could be as significant as genuine friendships. And I suppose I’ve never known forgiveness, outside of Christ, that will allow me to mess up and still experience unconditional love.

Yes the detox experience is so real. I can feel the fearful shakes coming on now, just for being so honest right now with a group of people I hardly know…I could really use a Diet Coke.

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