Here is my proposal: let’s all get church uniforms.
Uniforms are great! They make it easy to recognize who is on your team and who is the enemy. A uniform could help take some of the guess work out of who is “in” and who is “out” , who we are for, who we are against. I will attempt to design a uniform that I think best represents and serves the suburban, typical, evangelical, church (S.T.E.N.CH)
Ok, I think it needs to be one solid color, something light, say peach or barely beige, because brown and black and yellow are not often seen. We like mostly whites.
It should be extremely masculine. It needs to have pants and a zipper, nothing too frilly or even remotely androgynous. You will see woman in attendance at S.T.E.N.CH, but not in any decision making capacity. God made them to be happiest in the nursery, didn’t He?
It needs to be highly flammable, because everyone knows Jesus hates it when you smoke. Enough said.
Pockets are needed, but only the right side. Anything to do with the “left” is disgusting.
I think a nice red, white and blue tie would help make it clear that we are primarily concerned with America.
A small cross necklace, of course empty, without Jesus hanging across it, is a nice
way to say Not Catholic. We are still pretty pissed off about that Rome thing.
It must be medium sized. This is subtle, but we really do not like obese people. Jesus wants excellence, and chubby Christians are just not trying hard enough.
The helmet is critical. It must be able to protect our brains and ears from anything that does not come from our team. Something that would limit our vision and ability to hear would be helpful. “be careful little eyes what you see…”
Finally, winged tipped shoes. Nothing says we are “conservative” like wing tips.
I hope this catches on. It seems critical that we be able to identify who is not on our team. This idea of loving people as they are as the great Christian distinction is just not working very well.
If this fails I have this really cool, secret handshake I am working on.
Ok, I am dying to know your thoughts, so let us know. Anything you would add to the uniform?
Karl
Do you think we should have some special underwear, too, in order to preserve chastity?
It’s never OK to judge our “bretheren” by race, lifestyle, political affiliation, gender, etc. And it is our charge to call it when we see it happening, and “rebuke” so to speak.
But(t)- here’s a fact. Jesus told us not to judge, and I guess that also means not judging the “so-called-righteous”. I admit it is hard not to go down that road sometimes, but we have to try to love each other, and not promote the “us vs. them” stuff. It’s OK to say, “this is not going to happen here”, but what can we do to learn how to love those we don’t agree with, who hurt us, who judge us - those whom we are charged to forgive and love? What can we do to be different, and not to be like them, just taking the other side?
I don’t want to jump on the uniform bandwagon. I want to be able to say, in the famous words of Lisa, the fiance from “My
Cousin Vinny”, “Yeah. You blend.”
Are we told not to judge? Really? We are told to judge or test truth and error. Now I admit it is often difficult to separate the faulty belief system of a person and love the people themselves, but that is what we are called to do in order that we can win them to the gospel. That is certainly where I need the Holy Spirit’s intervention. I do not have to judge people, God will do that, but he is better equipped than I am. He’s perfect. While uniforms seem like an outrageous idea, what about the positive side, that we might not compare ourselves to one another? There is a spiritual sense where we all come before God equally. The difference will be those who are in Christ and those who are not, oh yes, that cross thing.
Ok, enough sarcasism.
A quote from some reading I have done recently:
The simple truth is that understand who I am and where I deserve to be. I deserve God’s wrath (judgement). Honestly, I deserve to be in hell. But instead I’m God’s adopted child, I’m forgiven of my many sins and I’m loved by Him! I’m going to heaven! I’m doing so much better than I deserve. This perspective fills me with joy even on days when things aren’t going as I’d planned.”
after susan’s comment i started to feel guilty for thinking this was so funny. karl, i thought it was hysterical. then, i remembered the point here–to stir up great conversation! susan, i see where you are coming from in terms of being careful of judging. that’s fair. but i think the bigger point of this blog entry is this–what does the world need more of? more rules? more conformity? more ‘if you do it this way then you’re okay’? more christians living in their own little ghetto? christians have a terrible reputation in the world. years ago, i was part of spreading this bad reputation; boy was i a good pharisee 14-15 years ago! it is so sad to me and i want to be part of the change. i want to love all people. i want to be in the world but not of the world. i want to be different but not isolate myself from others. i want to radically accept all people. i want to see God in the ungodly. i want to be able to engage in wild and crazy conversations with people who believe different things than me and not be afraid of it. i want to show Jesus’ love in tangible ways. and i want others to accept me as i am, too, a christian who happens to see things a little more grey. i have had christian friends condemn me for seeing rated R movies, for listening to secular radio stations, for reading certain books, for believing in the benefits of counseling. they’ve actually questioned my salvation because of it–i am not kidding! come on, GOD transcends positive, encouraging 91.1! and yes, i need to be careful and not be a reverse pharisee, just as judgemental about legalistic christians as they are of me!
I’m psyched that we can be a bunch of folks that blow the legalistic rules out of the water. Karl, you made it clear in the blog - in a great creative way - that we are not aligned with those who would separate “us” and “them” by judgements and condemnations.
I am guilty of a much subtler alienation. Who’s like me vs. who isn’t. You can go so far and be OK, but there is some arbitrary line that gets crossed somewhere and then I’m guilty of the judgement too.
I recently went to a charismatic service where people were acting “really out there” based on my comfort zone. I recognized right off what I was doing, but boy was it hard to find complete acceptance, even though I realized that these people had complete acceptance of me even though I was not like them. They were way ahead of me. I couldn’t let go of the thought that they weren’t for real - that they were fooling themselves, or maybe even a little kooky. What things I can come up with when I’m in new territory!
As Pam pointed out, we are to judge as far as discernment goes - speak the truth and do what’s right - but we are not to condemn. The line is fine. For me, it is a moment by moment battle to fight the haughtiness (not quite that strong, but I can’t think of another word) - it just kicks in. I’m sensitive to it. My dream is that we (and by we, I especially mean “I”) can love and encourage those who are not like us/me, and help each other be like the One we all love.
Wonderful! The only two things I would add to the uniform are:
1) An iPod that plays “worship” music that only reflects on the happy/positive aspects of following Jesus - nothing too heavy lyricly, musically or theologically;
2) A field manual filled with pat answers and cliche catch-phrases used to make people feel good that only make sense to Xians.
All in good fun, friends. All in good fun…
Quite honestly and after reading this entry and thinking about it for a very very long time, I think that it is all in good fun but not in the least way the type of comments that are appropriate for an open forum such as blogging. It should really represent the church as a whole and perhaps a personal side of Karl as it relates to the body of the church as a whole. Yes it should be informal and fun, but going on and on and on for paragraph after paragraph about silly church uniforms will IMHO drive some people away that are looking for a real “doing life together” type of church. I quite honestly have had second thoughts about ever attending again. I also believe in absolute honesty combined with critique and not criticism. Sorry if some are taken back by my comments. Karl, we love you but this stuff is just to way out there for us.
Jess Gypin
thanks for your honesty Jess, and i have had some second thoughts on this one. In the spirit of honest conversation, i want to say in love what i felt when i read your comment, not to be defensive, but it so illustrates a pastoral dilemna.
I understand that the blog might have been out there, but come on, is that all it takes for you to say you are out? I love you man, and i know that lots of others do also. the truth is i plan on making a lot bigger mistakes than this, not on purpose, but i know given enough time, it will happen.
I am asking you to consider what is behind the thought that you would search else where for community. the refuge is not for all, and if you feel God wants you elsewhere that is great, but this seems to sudden.